Constance Langdon, American Horror Story
With all due respect (or, uh, whatever) to the bondage-suit rapist, the only American Horror Story character we’d want to dress up as is Jessica Lange’s murderous Southern belle. Call us crazy, but if we see someone on Halloween who thought it’d be a laugh to impersonate a fictional sex offender, we’re running the other way.
Vintage lavender flowered dress — $25, Etsy
Short, curly blonde wig — $19, AliExpress
15mm faux pearl stud earrings — $7, Claire’s
Cigarettes. Lots of ’em.
Evil Abed, Community
On the only day of the year when you might plausibly want to see what the Darkest Timeline has in store, transform yourself into Evil Abed and attempt to foil all of your companions’ best laid plans. Bonus: Easiest. Costume. Ever.
Mens black button-down shirt — $20, Amazon
Black felt — $3 (package of six sheets), FactoryDirectCraft.com
Spirit gum — $3, Party City
Blood-bathed Lilith (or Bill), True Blood
Brave about baring it all but want to walk the line between sexy and scary? We suggest you revisit Lilith, the world’s first vampire, who often appears to her followers naked and covered in blood. If you’re a guy, you can use the same basic costume and play the possibly more terrifying blood-god version of Bill Compton who drank the entire vile of Lilith’s blood in the most recent season finale.
Nude bodystocking — $30, Discount Dance Supply
Jug of fake blood — $7, Toynk.com
Plastic vampire fangs — $1, Party City
Hare Krishna Paul Kinsey, Mad Men
Were you surprised when Paul Kinsey returned this year, after a few seasons’ absence, as a full-on Hare Krishna with a terrible Star Trek script and a girlfriend willing to schtup Harry Crane to serve a higher purpose? We sure were. This Halloween, surprise your own friends and pay tribute to Paul by coming for the ladies and staying for the chants.
Mens mock turtleneck in beige — $29, Land’s End
White bed sheet — $11, Target (or just use an old one you’ve got lying around)
Mens white cotton scrub pants — $7, Tafford Uniforms
Bald cap — $9 at Halloween Express
Scissors (to cut a hole in the bald cap and pull a bit of your own hair through)
Sheaf of printer paper to carry around as your teleplay
Liz Lemon as the Joker, 30 Rock
Why come up with your own pop-culture mashup costumes when 30 Rock already has you covered? Liz Lemon’s slow transformation into The Dark Knight’s Joker made for one of the funniest episodes of last season. How better to celebrate the show’s final season than to pay homage to one of its best moments?
Purple wool coat — $44, Overstock.com
Wet ‘n’ Wild Stoplight Red lipstick — $2, Drugstore.com
Black Radiance Truly Black eyeliner — $2, Drugstore.com
Wild Zombie wig — $20, Costume Kingdom
Future Walter White, Breaking Bad
Oh, sure, at least someone you know will get his hands on a yellow hazmat suit, slap a Band-Aid across his nose, and show up at the party as Walter White. But you can do him one better — you can be Walter White of the future, the guy we’ve only glimpsed once in a flash-forward that kicked off Season 5 and colored our interpretation of the episodes to come.
Mens Carhartt Sherpa Lined Sandstone Jacket in army green — $45, Super Casuals
Nerd Glasses — $4, Goggles and Glasses
Gray Halfling Mustache and Beard — $10, Totally Costumes
Scissors (for cutting beard to size)
Fake ID — check local listings
Shania Clemmons as Grey Gardens‘ Little Edie Beale, The New Normal
So far, The New Normal hasn’t dazzled us as much as we hoped it would. But if there’s one high point, it’s precocious eight-year-old Shania, who lets her freak flag fly on the regular. We love her as Little Edie and recommend the costume to any weird kid with a flair for accents.
Girls long-sleeve turtleneck leotard — $20, Dancewear Solutions
Girls black leggings — $6, Target
Black jersey scarf — $10, Amazon
Vintage paisley shawl — $26, Etsy
Red-frame glasses — $7, Tri North Lighting
Super Ray army, Bored to Death
Pledge your allegiance to Jonathan Ames’ canceled-way-too-soon HBO comedy Bored to Death by dressing up as Ray’s beloved, if obscene, comic-book character Super Ray — or rally your friends to create the army that rose up around him last year. If the photo above proves anything, it’s that you can totally improvise this costume with some red and yellow articles of clothing, as long as you pin a giant “R” to your chest.
Mens long-sleeve unitard in yellow — $66, Costume Plot List
Mens red silk bikini brief — $9, Zoogster Costumes
Red superhero cape — $6, Toy4education
Captain America Deluxe Adult Gloves — $10, Totally Costumes
Red felt square (package of 6) — $3, FactoryDirectCraft.com
Ron Swanson’s mom, a.k.a. “Tammy Zero,” Parks and Recreation
Few character origin stories in recent memory have been as fantastic as Ron Swanson’s. Not only has he married two women named Tammy, but that’s also his mom’s name — and, as we learned last season, she’s a real firecracker. Who wouldn’t want to spend Halloween as the woman who made Ron the man he is?
Womens brown plaid shirt — $24, 6pm.com
Womens burgundy goose-down vest — $40, Cabela’s
Old Lady Wig — $9, Wholesale Halloween Costumes
Red body paint — $5, Party City (use sparingly!)
Jug of Moonshine (TM) — prices and locations vary
Pyat Pree, Game of Thrones
There was plenty to creep us out in Game of Thrones Season 2, but the character we see in our nightmares is Pyat Pree, the warlock from Qarth who steals the khaleesi’s dragons. If you’re really committed to this costume, you’ll want to find someone to dress up as an identical Pyat Pree and freak people out all night by faux-replicating yourself. Just make sure you get that ghostly pallor right!
Lavender quilted robe — $75, Etsy
White mens T-shirt — $7, Jockey
Zombie gray cream makeup — $1, Wholesale Halloween Costumes
Manic Panic Lip Locked Lip Color in Lethal — $8, Drugstore.com
Bald cap — $9, Halloween Express
Plush baby dragon — $10, Toys R Us