Vulgar Kids’ Movie Jokes You Didn’t Understand as a Kid


Halloween may feel like a distant memory, but it was just last week. If you’re anything like this author, you may or may not have watched Hocus Pocus more times than you can count, partly because it happened to be on TV, but mostly because you’re sort of going through a weird Bette Midler phase right now. Yes? No? Just me? Well — around Hocus Pocus viewing #3, you’ll start to notice some subtle sex jokes thrown into that very kid-friendly movie. Although jokes as such often feel like a kick to the childhood’s stomach, we can’t help but find them somewhat amusing. So, click through to find our selection of kids’ film jokes that you probably didn’t understand as a kid (save for those super-famous Disney ones), and brace yourself — there are a couple fairly vulgar ones in your near future.

Hocus Pocus (1993)

That bus driver was as sleazy as they come.

Mrs. Doubtfire (1993)

Here we have one of the grossest under-the-radar adult jokes in kids’ film history, courtesy of the makeover scene in Mrs. Doubtfire. Of course, the important words are in Yiddish, so we had to do some research in order to finally understand this joke. Basically, “gribenes” is a kosher dish of chicken or goose skin cracklings served with fried onions, and a “mohel” is a man who performs circumcisions. So, the translation of this line is essentially, “I should never buy chicken skin from a guy who gives circumcisions. It’s so chewy.” Bam.

Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory (1971)

Remember when Veruca Salt questioned snozzberries and Willy Wonka never really gave her an answer? Well, here’s your answer — you ready? A snozzberry is the glans of a penis, according to Roald Dahl’s My Uncle Oswald. Roald Dahl, you dog, you.

Big (1988)

When you’re a kid, being “on top” always refers to bunk beds. When you’re an adult? Nope.

Who Framed Roger Rabbit (1988)

We could make this entire list about Who Framed Roger Rabbit innuendos, since most of that movie is a little on the risqué side. Anyway — at one point, Jessica tells her bunny hubby, “I’ve loved you more than any woman’s ever loved a rabbit.” Now, let’s think about this — what other rabbits have women loved? We’ll admit that this joke may not have been intentional; the device in question wasn’t around until the ’90s. But it’s still pretty funny in 2012, post-Sex and the City.

The Santa Clause (1994)

Got it, kids? Don’t do drugs, or else you’ll turn into Santa Claus.

Toy Story (1995)

See that thing in the middle? That’s what you’d call a “hooker.” Nice one, Toy Story.

Space Jam(1996)

Here we have a video treat courtesy of Space Jam. Get a load of that Pulp Fiction reference!

The Brave Little Toaster to the Rescue (1997)

Yes, that PC just had an orgasm.