Captain Von Trapp — Hugh Jackman
Okay, okay, we admit — we’ve got Jackman on the brain recently. And yes, this casting choice is subject to us seeing more than just trailers for Les Misérables, but so far, we’re convinced that he would make a perfectly intimidating/sexy/soft-on-the-inside Captain Gerog von Trapp. He’d have to go totally clean-shaven, of course.
Mother Abbess — Julie Andrews
We will grudgingly accept that she’s too old to play Maria (although the whole story would still work and be strangely subversive with a 77 year old Maria, we’re just saying), but she’s just right to play the wise Head Abbess. Andrews would give her just an extra bit of sass. We would also accept Dame Judi Dench, if Andrews should refuse.
Liesl von Trapp — Clare Bowen
Sure, a 23-year-old singing “Sixteen Going on Seventeen” is pushing it a little bit — but then, the tendency for women in their 20’s to play teenagers is well documented, and even more likely when there’s singing involved. We’ve been impressed with her sweet, lilting singing on Nashville, and hey — she doesn’t even need those bright blue contacts.
Rolf Gruber — Chord Overstreet
Now, tell us that isn’t the kind of adorable Germanic face you’d fall in love with before realizing exactly what it meant that he was a Nazi?
Elsa Schraeder — Catherine Zeta-Jones
Perhaps an unconventional choice (she is not to be made blonde), but we think Zeta-Jones, that eyebrow perpetually arched, would be perfect for the cold, sophisticated Baroness, unable to fit in with all the do-re-mi-ing. And we want to hear her sing again! It’s been much too long.
Max Detweiler — Hugh Grant
Oh, Uncle Max, always trying to hang out with the rich folk. Slightly smarmy, slightly cheeky, and very charming — what about Hugh Grant? He has a nice voice and the perpetual wink down pat. Besides, there has never been a more Hugh Grant-ish quip than “What’s going to happen is going to happen. Just make sure it doesn’t happen to you.”