Untangle your holiday lights, slip into a cozy sweater, and dust off your menorah: it’s the time of year when people channel their inner Clark Griswold and go wild decorating their homes. We love to partake in some homey holiday cheer, but sometimes decorations go wrong. Very, very wrong. After spotting a hilariously weird DIY decor project on Laughing Squid, which we feature in our gallery past the break, we went exploring for other horrifying holiday decorations. The Internet did not disappoint. Click through to see our findings, and ponder along with us on why so many of them feature firearms and poop. Happy Holidays!
Hilarious website Tampon Crafts offers DIY decorating ideas “for any time of the month.” Their tampon Nativity scene is a “fresh-scented, feminine” ode to the birth of Jesus. The tampons of choice for this “bloody good Christmas” project are O.B. and Playtex. They also have deranged DIY ideas for festive holiday lights and more. If you celebrate Hanukkah, fear not: they even have a tampon menorah that uses the strings of the tampons as candlewicks.
Nothing says holiday cheer and ho-ho happy like a garland of glowing shotgun shells.
Diamonds of the Sea creates aquatic and nautical themed collectibles — like this muscled merman covered in bling, obviously.
When the art of suggestion just isn’t enough.
A menorah that looks more like a sentient being from a Ridley Scott or David Cronenberg movie than a festive set of lights.
Has anyone written any Christmas fanfic about this kind of thing yet?
If your holiday needs more six-pack abs, Day-Glo tan, and hair gel, then the Home Shopping Network has you covered.
It’s bad enough that Santa has a gun and is stalking a bug-eyed reindeer, but jolly old Saint Nick has also recruited a penguin accomplice (in a blaze orange hunter’s hat, even) for this disturbing, inflatable yard ornament.
Hanukkah friends, there’s an 11-foot, pedobear-like inflatable in case Second Amendment Santa doesn’t meet your decorating needs. Ugh.
Surely Peter North has something to say about this.
Our friends at Mashable spotted this delightful tree decoration. It definitely upstages Rudolph’s very shiny nose.
And if you’ve totally given up, buy this glittering pile of poop.
Leatherface-style, y’all. Don’t let this gingerbread house sit out all month long.
Krampus Squirrel can’t be killed with fire.
Etsy artist Strange Dolls (Beth Robinson) lives up to her name.
In other fetal bauble news, Miss Poppy has shut down her shop, but she used to produce these fetus soldier ornaments, which we spotted on Boing Boing. Miss Poppy’s hard sell? “What if the fetus you were going to abort would grow up to be a soldier bringing democracy to a godless dictatorship?”
Definitely from a Cronenberg movie.
Forever alone in a cold, dark place.