Hilarious website Tampon Crafts offers DIY decorating ideas “for any time of the month.” Their tampon Nativity scene is a “fresh-scented, feminine” ode to the birth of Jesus. The tampons of choice for this “bloody good Christmas” project are O.B. and Playtex. They also have deranged DIY ideas for festive holiday lights and more. If you celebrate Hanukkah, fear not: they even have a tampon menorah that uses the strings of the tampons as candlewicks.
Jingle Bells Shotgun Shells Christmas Lights
Nothing says holiday cheer and ho-ho happy like a garland of glowing shotgun shells.
Bling Merman Ornament
Diamonds of the Sea creates aquatic and nautical themed collectibles — like this muscled merman covered in bling, obviously.
When the art of suggestion just isn’t enough.
(Almost) Idiot-Proof LED Hanukkah/Chanukah Menorah
A menorah that looks more like a sentient being from a Ridley Scott or David Cronenberg movie than a festive set of lights.
Snow Job Ornament
Has anyone written any Christmas fanfic about this kind of thing yet?
Jersey Shore 3-piece Ornament Set: The Situation, Snooki, and DJ Pauly D
If your holiday needs more six-pack abs, Day-Glo tan, and hair gel, then the Home Shopping Network has you covered.
Airblown® Inflatable Scene – Santa in Deer Stand
It’s bad enough that Santa has a gun and is stalking a bug-eyed reindeer, but jolly old Saint Nick has also recruited a penguin accomplice (in a blaze orange hunter’s hat, even) for this disturbing, inflatable yard ornament.
Hanukkah friends, there’s an 11-foot, pedobear-like inflatable in case Second Amendment Santa doesn’t meet your decorating needs. Ugh.
Mr. North Pole Ornament
Surely Peter North has something to say about this.
Pooping Rudolph Red Nose Reindeer Ornament
Our friends at Mashable spotted this delightful tree decoration. It definitely upstages Rudolph’s very shiny nose.
And if you’ve totally given up, buy this glittering pile of poop.
Meat Manor “Gingerbread” House
Leatherface-style, y’all. Don’t let this gingerbread house sit out all month long.
Krampus Squirrel Ornament
Krampus Squirrel can’t be killed with fire.
Alien Fetus Ornament
Etsy artist Strange Dolls (Beth Robinson) lives up to her name.
In other fetal bauble news, Miss Poppy has shut down her shop, but she used to produce these fetus soldier ornaments, which we spotted on Boing Boing. Miss Poppy’s hard sell? “What if the fetus you were going to abort would grow up to be a soldier bringing democracy to a godless dictatorship?”
Flowering Vulva Ball Ornament
Definitely from a Cronenberg movie.
Forever alone in a cold, dark place.