Films Birthed by Disney’s Acquisition of Marvel

By
Share:

While Disney would like to think the acquisition of Marvel Entertainment, home of Spider-Man, Iron Man, the X-Men, and many more Stan Lee creations, helps solve the $50 billion problem of providing entertainment to over-sugared, rambunctious young males, we see the purchase as the ultimate victory for cross-branded buddy films. In the spirit of the Disney-Marvel deal, here are our best pitches; we’re pretty sure this is exactly how Stan Lee pictured the future would be like when he drew his first comics in 1941. With honey missing from his tree, Pooh hires Benn Grimm, better known as “The Thing,” to search for his stolen valuables. Together, the unlikely pair search the streets night and day, hot on the pursuit of evil sorcerer Jafar, known for stealing honey in order to feed his parrot Iago, who uses the essence of bees to impersonate others and subsequently steal goods.

Dr. Henry Philip “Hank” McCoy, aka The Beast, is a highly successful scientist and remarkable athlete with a great bod. Unfortunately, his status as a blue mutant hurts his chances with the ladies… that is, until he meets Ariel, whose (hidden) fish tail brings them together “Under the Sea.”

After decapitating his wife Betty Ross Banner in a fit of uncontrollable rage, Bruce Banner (“The Hulk”) meets Bambi, a shy, gentle deer lamenting the loss of his own mother. A touching film about learning to love oneself while mourning the death of a loved one, “The Monster and The Deer” tugs the heart strings just like Hulk would tug at the limbs of an abusive acquaintance.

And last, but certainly not least, in our hearts that is, Howard the Duck vs. Donald Duck. In a tale of Alien vs. Predator like proportions, the world’s most infamous ducks fight to the death in order to win the love of… Duckman?!