The Third Rail: Cocktails of the Damned


This long weekend The Final Destination came back for another victim — putting to rest All About Steve, which should have been killed before it ever hit pre-production. Most horror movies don’t qualify as high art, but they can pack a punch that other genres don’t, just as cocktails beat out lower-proof beverages. So why not combine the two?

Start with a Gypsy Cocktail in honor of the bitter old crone in Sam Raimi‘s fantastic Drag Me to Hell . Combine 1 ¼ oz each of gin and sweet vermouth in a shaker with ice, shake and strain, then add a cherry. Most horror movies stick to the tried-and-true lesson of “if you have sex as a teenager you will be murdered by a serial killer,” but Raimi’s new film teaches young bankers to never foreclose on a house owned by a toothless, half-blind gypsy.

But if you would really prefer to take a journey along the river Styx, then grab onto Satan’s Whiskers, as recommended by the Wall Street Journal’s Eric Felten. Stir with ice ½ oz gin, ½ oz dry vermouth, ½ oz sweet vermouth, ½ oz freshly squeezed orange juice, ½ oz Grand Marnier, and 1 dash orange bitters. Strain into a cocktail glass and add an orange twist. Its orange hue would seem to make it the right pairing for Rob Zombie’s new Halloween II . And man he sure loves Halloween:

But while it’s still marginally summer out, you’d do better to drink his namesake, The Zombie. (I mean I assume he got his name from the Tiki Drink, don’t you?) In a large glass ¾ full of ice, stir together 1/2 oz white rum, 1 1/2 oz golden rum, 1 oz dark rum, 1 oz lime juice, 1 tsp pineapple juice, 1 tsp papaya juice, 1 tsp superfine sugar. Float 1/2 oz 151-proof rum on the top by pouring it slowly over the back of a spoon. Then garnish with mint sprigs and fruit, especially pineapples and cherries. Or Cranberries.

Unfortunately, Halloween 2 tried to interfere with Death’s plan and was brought low at the hands of The Final Destination. Mourn that grisly loss with a Last Kiss: shake with ice 1 1/2 oz light rum, 1/2 oz gin, 1/4 oz brandy, 1/4 oz dry vermouth,1/4 oz fresh lemon juice, and 1/4 tsp sugar. Strain into a cocktail glass and enjoy — while you still can.