The Breakfast Club
Who you probably crush on: John Bender (Judd Nelson)
He understands that “the world is an imperfect place.” He also gives good hair and carries a switchblade, which seems so quaint.
Who your mom would approve of: Andrew Clark (Emilio Estevez)
He’s a popular jock and falls in love with the weird girl, so there must be hope for you. “We’re all pretty bizarre,” he proclaims. “Some of us are just better at hiding it, that’s all.”
Who you probably crush on: Professor Bhaer (Gabriel Byrne)
You’ve always wanted to make out with a professor ever since you watched Raiders of the Lost Ark. He takes your passions seriously.
Who your mom would approve of: Laurie (Christian Bale)
He’s going to Harvard, comes from money, and is the quintessential handsome and charming good guy. Mom doesn’t want to have to worry about you.
Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me
Who you probably crush on: Laura Palmer (Sheryl Lee)
The allure of a prom queen party girl with dark secrets.
Who your mom would approve of: Donna Hayward (Moira Kelly)
She wears sensible sweaters and will keep you out of trouble — for now (chug-a-lug, Donna).
Who you probably crush on: Han Solo (Harrison Ford) or Princess Leia (Carrie Fisher)
He’s a cynical jerk — but in a hot way. She wears a dreamy space bikini.
Who your mom would approve of: Luke Skywalker (Mark Hamill)
The Jedi Knight is a peacemaker, has amazing mind powers, and is wise beyond his years. Clearly mom doesn’t know he’s in love with his sister yet.
The X-Men franchise
Who you probably crush on: Mystique (Rebecca Romijn/Jennifer Lawrence)
She’s a badass, naked, shapeshifting mutant. Also, Jennifer Lawrence.
Who your mom would approve of: Wolverine (Hugh Jackman)
For mom, the answer is always Hugh Jackman.
Who you probably crush on: Megan (Melissa McCarthy)
She loves puppies (a lot), she’s not queasy about embarrassing bodily functions, and she gives great pep talks about biting you in the ass (and then actually bites you).
Who your mom would approve of: Lillian (Maya Rudolph)
She’s just so radiant, balanced, and charming — even when she’s going to the bathroom in the middle of the street.
Hannah and Her Sisters
Who you probably crush on: Lee (Barbara Hershey)
You think you can save her from an unhappy marriage, and you know she already likes tortured artist types.
Who your mom would approve of: Hannah (Mia Farrow)
The backbone of the family, Hannah is kind, nurturing, and a bit of a control freak — kind of like someone else you know…
Who you probably crush on: Dr. King Schultz (Christoph Waltz)
The German accent and fancy pants getup is hard to resist. He’s a cunning bounty hunter.
Who your mom would approve of: Django (Jamie Foxx)
The slave-turned-hero believes in true love and will stop at nothing to protect those he cares for. Mom wants you to have a fairy tale ending — without the dizzying violence, of course.
The Lord of the Rings franchise
Who you probably crush on: Aragorn (Viggo Mortensen)
The powerful warrior king is quiet and reserved, but that only adds to his mystery.
Who your mom would approve of: Arwen (Liv Tyler)
The elven character has an angelic soul. She proved to be brave and selfless when she gave up her immortality for love. But really, mom just wants Aragorn for herself. It’s the beard.
Who you probably crush on: Rob (John Cusack)
Who your mom would approve of: Barry (Jack Black)
Because she’s still laughing at his Kathleen Turner Overdrive joke, and she’s tired of you falling for mopey guys.