Tomorrow is the final of the 2013 Eurovision Song Contest, that quintessentially European event wherein a curious selection of pop stars, comedians, and oddballs from around the continent compete to submit the most absurd pop song of the year for the glory of King/Queen/Secular President and country. The contest is generally surreal, hilarious, and as camp as a tent city, and this year isn’t any different. In honor of the perennially amusing event — and because you could surely use some silliness to help you through Friday afternoon — here are some of the most gloriously ridiculous Eurovision entrants of our time.
The most famously absurd Eurovision entrants in recent years, Finnish metal band and Warhammer set made flesh Lordi won the contest in 2006 with the immortal “Hard Rock Hallelujah,” a song so gloriously overblown that it made Manowar looks like restrained acoustic balladeers. \m/ \m/
2006 was clearly a memorable year for the contest, since it also featured this little number by Croatian starlet Severina Vučković. The song caused something of a storm at the time when various Croatian commentators claimed it had Serbian influences, although that controversy rather paled in comparison to the almighty shitfight that ensued when the avowedly Catholic and conservative singer was caught on tape getting it on with a married businessman.
Question: why hasn’t Rodolfo Chikilicuatre appeared in a John Waters film yet? Bonus points for the Monty Python-style narration.
This isn’t so much funny as kind of sad — this song was the object of national shame in the UK after Jemini returned home from the 2003 competition with absolutely no points at all. Apparently their monitors weren’t working, which meant they couldn’t hear their own vocals. Sadly, there was no such respite for the audience.
Why, yes, “babushka” does indeed mean “grandmother” in Russian. And yes, those are indeed six Russian grandmothers singing a cheerful ditty called “Party for Everybody” while they wait for the bread to finish baking. Honestly, this is all kinds of amazing — it seems a crushing injustice that it lost last year’s competition to this.
Dudes from Greece in medieval suits of armor singing about passwords? Sure, why not?
For whatever reason, a large percentage of the competition’s most surreal and bizarre entries seem to come from Eastern Europe, and there have been few stranger or more hilarious than this. The song’s called “Dancing Lasha Tumbai,” and it’s by backup dancer-spanking Ukrainian comedian Verka Serduchka, whose performance is a riot. Unfortunately, the song lost out to Serbia in the final round.
Dustin the Turkey
In which a puppet turkey represents Ireland, and satirizes the contest with a deliberately terrible song. Dustin made it all the way to the semi-finals before he was eliminated, which perhaps says more than anything else about Eurovison as a whole.
Also on the meta front, this Lithuanian boy band entered the contest in 2006 — yes, 2006 again! — with a song called “We Are the Winners of Eurovision.” They ended up being the sixth-placed contestants in Eurovision, which isn’t nearly as catchy.
And finally, OK, this didn’t actually make it to Eurovision — it’s from an Estonian talent show designed to choose the country’s entrant to the contest, and somehow it didn’t win — but it is nevertheless the single greatest video you will watch on the internet today.