The Rock & Roll Hall of Fame is a complex affair. After looking over this year’s nominees, we realized that it’s just not enough to have the most “rock out with your cock out” songs anymore. To be a competitor, you need to have invented this advanced form of rocking out in the first place. The real determining question is, “Who looks/acts the most like a rock star?” This explains Madonna’s entrance into the Hall-O-Fame last year. After the jump, we take a look at the top five nominees, basing their chances of entry on attitude and style.
5. The Red Hot Chili Peppers
RCHP simultaneously invented the phrases “rock out with your cock out” and the lesser used, but equally important, “rock out with your sock out.” This unfettered appreciation of the human body is what Rock & Hall of Fame loves. Attitude: 7 Style: 8 Handicap: 5:1
4. ABBA
This year’s dominant Hall of Fame theme is the ability to assert your nudity in the most creative way possible. This is a picture of a thousand words, and those words are mostly this sentence repeated over and over: “Yeah, we’re well endowed. Yeah, you’ve got nothing to wrap your leftovers in. That old General Tso’s chicken was fantastic.” Attitude: 11 Style: 9 Handicap: 4:1
3. Donna Summer
Sure, Donna Summer’s outfit doesn’t make any bold statements about the human body, but it does have one quality the other outfits lack: timelessness. Everything Donna Summers is wearing is sold in American Apparel, save the flower dress. She forgoes the shock factor that the other artists rely on, and instead, lets the cultural relevancy of the clothes speak for itself. Attitude: 6 Style: 9 Handicap: 3:1
2. The Stooges
Everyone standing in the front row of this concert probably got pregnant. This is what sex looks like — a muscular blond boy with a golden muscle bracelet and spandex. Iggy highlights these qualities with the hands behind the back stance — it is one of respect and nobility. Attitude: 10 Style: 9 Handicap: 3:1
1. KISS
KISS is dedication. They are committed to their style and brand. Few of the other nominees have maintained the styles and makeup that made them famous, severely diminishing their authenticity factors. And yes, Gene Simmons is wearing dragon boots. Attitude: 11 Style: 11 Handicap: 2:1