A Critical Analysis of Phoenix on Jimmy Fallon


Phoenix played Jimmy Fallon last night. We grouped together a pile of anonymous, hyper-critical music judges to properly assess the performance.

Judge #1: The keyboardist to the left of the drummer looks like Dave Grohl. -1 for unoriginal appearance. +9 for incredible song! Surprisingly crisp recreation of a complex, synth driven single. Also, +1 for the drummer’s mustache.

Judge #2: I always thought Phoenix was a fake-French, a semi-innovative, indie-rock band. Not bad, but I think their name is cooler than this song. You can hate me now, but I won’t stop now! +6

Judge #3: I was toe-tapping while trying to pretend I could work while listening to them. Jimmy Fallon looked like he wanted to dance, too.

Judge #4: Consider me a lisztomaniac. Phoenix makes me want to be a better person/learn French. This is the band that convinced me to buy Muzzy. +10 for a positive influence!

Judge #5: Seeing them perform live is more impressive than the recording. + 8 Is it or me or does the lead singer sort of sound like Jason Schwartzman?

Judge #6: Feels like there is ‘peer pressure’ to like The Phoenixes. Just want 2 express myself [via iPody playlist]. Feel scared that P4K tells me which songs are ‘rly rly good.’ + 5.234252 pitchforks.

Judge #7: Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix is the album of the year. Suck it Animal Collective! +2000000

Judge #8: This sounds like every other indie-rock song out there. Very 2005. Why is everyone so crazy about them?? Solid playing, but the song itself is not enough to excite the hair on my back. Yes, I have back hair. -5

Judge #9: They really don’t need the help, but standing next to Jimmy Fallon makes these guys look seriously cool.

Judge #10: You youngsters are so cu-ute! These boys look like little gentleman. You can bet your buttons they stay away from the hooch and all that silly nonsense. +12