He’s back! Our esteemed advice columnist has been crazy-busy gearing up for the release of his new album Street Punk, but never fear, he’s still here to answer your questions, and this week he takes on fantasy worlds, abusive relationships, how to glam yourself up, and more! He’ll be back one more time before his touring schedule spirits him away for good, so if you have any burning questions about modern life, love, etiquette or whatever else, send them to firstname.lastname@example.org or post them in the comments below — and for now, read on for essential advice you won’t find anywhere else.
I’m having a cliché problem. I feel horrible about the way I look. I feel like as I walk down the street I get stared at for the wrong reasons. Any tips on how to make myself feel confident on the way I look?
Lipstick, wig, mascara, sunglasses, diamonds, a clutch, pink mini, turquoise blazer, red heels, lace see-thru crop top, beauty mark, G-string… Does this help? If you want to get noticed in a different way try overalls and an Indigo Girls tee, ponytails and no makeup.
You seem to have created an insane fantasy world of wonderfulness for yourself. Do you ever think about creating new worlds, perhaps scary nightmare worlds? And how do you come by this world-building power?
If you don’t like the world you are put in you should just make one you would want to live in. Unfortunately there are a lot of assholes to exclude. But it is possible. All you need are friends and ideas. I’m never gonna create a scary nightmare world but I’d love to be in a scary movie.
How do you get over someone who abused you? I was with my fiancé for two years and we lived together. It got to the point where I was only allowed to go to work and to the grocery store. He made me cut off all contact with my family and friends. He choked me, would press knives against my throat, and would have a game where he would see how long he could pinch me and bruise me before I cried. He drank heavily every night and lied about drug use. Well, two months ago, I finally left him when I discovered that he was cheating for the second time. My loving family took me back with open arms, but I still find myself pining for him. I find myself unable to stop loving him, and the thought of even flirting with another guy feels wrong. I may have scars on my chest from the biting that I see everyday, but it doesn’t stop me from thinking that I made a mistake from leaving him. When he begged for me to come back, and promised he made mistakes, that he would treat me better, I turned him down and cut off contact with him. How do I end this cycle of thinking that I made a grave mistake?
First of all, do not go back! He will be doing the same thing in no time. I know this is going to sound crazy followed by cliché but your only 2 options in my mind are:
1) Kill him. I doubt he will be missed. 2) Go to therapy.
One of those options will definitely work. Good luck.
[Don’t kill him — Ed.]
Tell me what to do when a boy you have a crush on is gay.
Do you want to date a gay guy? Some of them will mess around with girls. A lot of rad girls crush on gay boys, and it makes sense as they are usually more femme. You should be a lesbian and date a Bieber. Best of both worlds and it will be easier on you than dealing with rejection from a boy who is pining after another boy.
Hunx and His Punx’ new album Street Punk comes out July 23 via Hardly Art.