We reported a while back on the existence of Kanye Quest 3030, an unofficial but kinda awesome-looking Japanese-style RPG based on the adventures of, yes, Kanye West. At the time, there was no actual game to play, only a trailer, but this week version 1.0 of the game itself was released to the world. It’s a free download, so yeah, of course we played it. This is what happened!
My first mission: finding a computer that runs Windows. Kanye Quest 3030 is based on something called the RPG Maker VX Ace Run Time Package, which in turn runs on Microsoft’s .NET framework — so, basically, you’re not running this on a Mac or a Linux box unless you use Parallels or some sort of other emulation software. That seems like an awful lot of trouble to go to, so instead your correspondent borrows a swanky Windows 8 laptop from our Director of Ad Operations.
Once the computer’s ready to go, it’s a matter of downloading the aforementioned RPG Maker VX Ace Run Time Package, which is here, and the actual game, which is here, and you’re ready to go. Wooo!
You’re greeted with a pretty ace 16-bit Amiga-y rendering of “Dark Fantasy” and the above menu. Sadly, I can’t work out how to embed the sound file, so you’ll have to take my word for it sounding pretty impressive. Anyway, for want of any better ideas (or documentation), I dive straight in.
Hey, little JRPG ‘Ye! To start the game, we find ourselves in Kanye’s house. Or, at least, a whimsical representation thereof — I suspect that the real Kanye doesn’t live in a red-carpeted bedsit with a teddy bear for company…
…and he definitely doesn’t take out his own garbage.
The garbage thing is important, though, because halfway down the path to the street, our hero falls into an interdimensional wormhole — really — and ends up…
Here! Specifically, we’re in a post-apocalyptic San Francisco, circa 3030. OK. For want of anything better to do, Kanye wanders in the direction of the garbage truck, but then the full extent of his plight becomes clear, because this happens…
Yikes! This dystopian future is populated by… rival rappers! Or, at least, clones thereof, apparently all determined to inflict righteous rap battle vengeance on our hero. Shit! Having no real idea how to navigate the game’s combat system, your correspondent hitches up his black leather jeans and legs it. Thankfully, Kanye soon happens across…
Ah, OK, these little terminals tell us what’s going on. Basically, if you stick to the sidewalk, you have less chance of running into this…
…or this…
…or, god forbid, this:
Eventually, our wanderings bring us into the one building that’s accessible from the street.
It appears to be a clone storehouse of some sort, and the only thing to do seems to be to summon forth one of the clones for a fight to the death. Since he’s the only one we haven’t seen on the street so far, we choose 2Pac.
He is not pleased.
At all.
Kanye puts up a manful battle, but despite his vehement disses and judicious use of his special Dark Fantasy ability, he has his ass handed to him comprehensively by his rival. Curses.
OK, OK, one more try. This time I actually make the effort to hunt through Kanye’s student bedsit before I set out into the interdimensional wormhole, and am rewarded with a can of Coke, which I can apparently use to restore my lost strength in the midst of a vicious rap battle. So fortified, I set out again in search of 2Pac. And this time, despite his best efforts…
‘Ye continues to lay the smackdown on him without remorse or mercy. The result…
Success! The defeated 2Pac turns out not to be dead — he’s just humbled, and once he discovers that his rap battle conqueror has arrived via a portal from 2013, he gets very excited indeed.
Why yes, it could well be that I’m the Yeezy One, now you mention it. But wait, who am I prophesied to vanquish?
LIL B! Yes, it turns out that this hip hop wasteland is ruled by none other than the BasedGod himself. He resides in the BasedGod temple, which is located conveniently just down the road. But when we head there to see if we’re up for fulfilling the prophecy right here and now, 2Pac sounds a note of caution.
First, it seems, we need help. Unfortunately, the rappers on the West Coast seem to be more interested in internecine beefing than they are in toppling the BasedGod. What to do?
The answer here is clear: head for New York City! And so it transpires that our heroes — Kanye and his new loyal sidekick, Vanquished 2Pac Clone — set out across the country…
…risking life and limb against the perils of the journey…
…to eventually arrive on the East Coast. Unfortunately, they’re not received warmly.
Balls. Well, everyone knows there are no good rappers on Long Island anyway. Instead, our heroes venture onto the J train and arrive in: BROOKLYN! Surely here we’ll find allies, right?
Greetings, o Genius. We have traveled far in search of your counsel, and… wait, what are you doing?!
Fuck! Leg it!
Greetings, o wise Yasiin Bey. We have… oh, goddamn it.
Why is everybody so unkind?
And so ends our adventure into the world of Kanye Quest 3030, mainly because our Ad Ops Director wants her laptop back and anyway, it’s probably time to get back to work. In all seriousness, though, if you want a fun JPRG-style romp through the world of hip hop, you could do a lot worse than this. Just don’t mess with those East Coast rappers — they’re a serious business!