Bill Compton Goes H.A.M.
Former Vampire King of Louisiana and general wet blanket Bill Compton has become fully self-actualized as Lilith’s prophet in True Blood‘s thoroughly ridiculous sixth season. In what could be interpreted as a metaphor for the writers’ decision to embrace this show’s objective awfulness and make it work, Bill rose to the occasion this week by chugging some fairy-vampire blood, strolling out into the daytime, and telepath-ambushing the governor’s mansion with the glorious end result of ripping Burrell’s head clean off. This probably just makes the whole vampire-genocide situation worse, but who cares? This is the best visual in the history of a series that also includes Ryan Kwanten’s abs.
Harvey and Mike Kiss and Make Up
The “feud” between the two stars of Suits wasn’t likely to last long — they’re on all the posters together, for Chrissakes! — and could have been drawn out a little longer, but that didn’t make its resolution any less of a relief. Harvey and Mike are now free to join forces against Pearson Darby’s legal foes, and more interestingly, Jessica Pearson herself. It’s too bad perennial loser Louis Litt had to get snubbed to make this happen, but we’re sure whatever comic relief revenge plot line that results from it will make for great television. The third season of everyone’s favorite trashy technically-legal-but-not-in-any-way-grounded-in-the-reality-of-law drama is officially up and running, Teflon bromance and all.
Aaron Sorkin’s Sorkin-y Condescension Comes Out to Play
Interpreting The Newsroom as a window into Aaron Sorkin’s psyche and proceeding accordingly has never ceased to be great fun, so we’ll go right ahead and play armchair psychology. This week saw Maggie and Sloan butt heads with a Sex and the City fan-blogger more obsessed with her Twitter follower count than the human consequences of keeping a very embarrassing, relationship-damaging video up on the web. It’s painfully hilarious how much of a Sorkin villain she is: shallow, stupid, uninformed, and pretty much the opposite of Sloan, who we guess is supposed to represent female virtue by being bitchy but substantive? At least we know what Sorkin thinks he was talking about during that infamous “internet girl” incident a year or two ago.
Emily’s Mom Dispatched In a Suitably Dramatic Fashion
…namely, A CAR LAUNCHING THROUGH HER FREAKING LIVING ROOM. A’s vendetta against the Liars’ moms continued this week with Hanna’s mom thrown in jail for Wilden’s murder, but way, way more awesome was the episode’s climactic destruction. And of course, the perfect creepy oh-A-you-bastard closer wherein the anonymous villain bought Emily a Home Repair for Morons book. We doubt even Pretty Little Liars has the guts to kill an immediate family member, but Mrs. Fields will likely emerge from this very much worse for wear. This show is still so long on plot and short on compelling writing that one might as well not bother watching and settle for the recaps, but this was definitely worth watching live.
Top Chef Masters Returns as One of Reality TV’s Few Non-Guilty Pleasures
All the joy of competition shows, minus the depressing knowledge that most of the competitors aren’t actually that talented, plus actual successful people! Such is the formula of Top Chef Masters, which we actually far prefer to the original because it largely just feels like a bunch of chefs having fun and not a bunch of frantic (relative) amateurs striving for their big break. Odette Fada won this round, which saw the chefs preparing a meal for sky-divers (ooooh, novelty!), and it was thoroughly pleasant and food porn-y and all the other things you could possibly need from a food-based reality show.