Everybody remembers the ’90s these days, even the kids who are barely old enough to call themselves “’90s kids” without a sense of irony or self-deprecation. And we’ve been remembering them for a while now! Less than three years ago, we came up with a list of cultural artifacts we didn’t want to re-live. Unfortunately, boy bands and Titanic both came back. And so did Tamagotchis! So before we lose all of our minds and keep bringing back all of the ’90s, here’s another sampling of terrible trendy items from the decade.
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_iDALjY4QnY]
Gak
Nickelodeon ventured into the toy business in the ’90s, specializing in the most disgusting things for kids to play with. Sure, the fart sounds you could make were fun for about 15 minutes, but it wouldn’t take long for this stuff to be covered in dirt and lint and caked into your bedroom carpet.
JNCO jeans
The ’90s were a terrific time for those who went to great lengths to make sure their pants were as baggy as possible, especially those who rode skateboards and seemingly wanted to increase their chances of getting their cuffs caught in the wheels.
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JyzkayZ0zD4]
Wishbone
Reading sux! But dogs are cool! Too bad Wishbone tricked everyone into thinking that Jack Russell Terriers were not tiny, little monsters who would rather rip apart your heels than put on a Mark Twain costume and narrate your Tom Sawyer cosplay.
Body glitter
Glitter has always been one of mankind’s most horrific inventions, and whoever decided to take it from crafting to fashion deserves eternal damnation.
Big Johnson
Who can forget the line of punny T-shirts for those who thought Coed Naked was too classy? Let’s hope this trend doesn’t resurface any time soon.
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nq0a0X2FlAY]
British Knights
The MC Hammer-endorsed sneaker, which resembled Heelies without the wheels, was notable for for its clunky shape and large tongue, which is as disgusting to describe in 2013 as it was to wear 20 years ago.
Chokers
Unless you were a character in an urban legend who needed one of these things to keep your head from detaching from your neck, there was absolutely no reason to wear a choker.
Hacky Sacks
I guess these never went away — I’m sure you can find them bouncing around on any college campus or outdoor jam-band festival — but the popularity of this ridiculous activity for gangly white dudes certainly died down. (Fun fact: I got a free hacky sack with my first pair of Airwalks!)
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aptonWR8PLA]
Ribbon Dancers
What could possibly have been worse than these contraptions made up of sticks and streamers? Well, the jingle, but I can’t think of much else.
The Butt-Cut
Look, we all made mistakes. I happened to make one similar to the picture above from ages 10 to 18, and despite my great strides to obtain the perfect center part and symmetrical arches of hair, it never looked good.