Late-Night TV’s Best Responses to the Government Shutdown

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In Washington, DC, a bunch of overgrown children are about to end their third day of negotiating basic human rights guaranteed to citizens in the majority of Earth’s most powerful countries. Yes, the United States government is still closed, and this week on late-night TV, we’ve seen a lot of wonderfully biting responses to the bafflingly vicious battle for American healthcare. Check out some of our favorites below, but keep in mind that the best shutdown parody of all is the shutdown itself.

Jon Stewart has been using the shutdown to make some of the best late-night segments we’ve seen in a long time. Stewart is never kind to government idiots, but it doesn’t get much more beautifully scathing than calling the whining shutdown perpetrators “self-righteous, Orwellian zebra queefs.” BRAVO.

In order to properly approach this week’s shutdown, Stephen Colbert dives into a shutdown survival pack from 1995 to see how we could learn from our last government closure.

After Congress furloughed all government workers, Conan O’Brien decided it’d be a good idea to get rid of all his non-essential workers. Turns out that nobody can really figure out quite what purpose anyone serves at Conan.

The other day, Jimmy Kimmel asked passersby in Los Angeles to make a difficult choice: Obamacare or the Affordable Care Act? People seemed torn, but luckily for them, these two laws are the exact same thing!

This week, David Letterman gave the shutdown his famous “Top Ten” treatment. Evidently, there are still many Americans who have no idea what the hell Obamacare is, so he went over some questions these confused Americans may have. Hopefully, no one is thinking about how affordable healthcare affects twerking.

W. Kamau Bell’s response to the Ted Cruz filibuster predates the shutdown, but invites us to examine the more important issue: Kanye West’s recent filibuster on Zane Lowe! If only Ted Cruz had thought to discuss Wreck-It Ralph in his fight against healthcare!

If it gets too rough out there in Washington, it’s good to know Stephen Colbert is ready to take over at a moment’s notice.