Black Sabbath — “Black Sabbath” People who spell “magick” with a “k” and are very, very familiar with the works of Aleister Crowley.
Diamanda Galás — “The Litanies of Satan” Genuinely terrifying types who think Crowley is for kids.
The Rolling Stones — “Sympathy for the Devil” Bulgakov fans.
Alice Cooper — “Welcome to My Nightmare” Anyone who has seen Dazed and Confused seven times or more.
The Cramps — “I Was a Teenage Werewolf” Veteran punks who kinda hated the CBGB movie.
The Ramones — “Pet Cemetery” Veteran punks who really, really hated the CBGB movie.
Talking Heads — “Psycho Killer” Earnest types who have read all of How Music Works and often write essays whose titles begin with the word “On.”
Siouxsie and the Banshees — “Halloween” Veteran goths who like Halloween because it’s the one day of the year they don’t get sidelong glances on the subway.
Bauhaus — “Bela Lugosi Is Dead” Sad-eyed fans who refuse to discuss Peter Murphy.
The Misfits — “Halloween” The seven people on the planet who still insist that Glenn Danzig is not an utter, utter cock.
Dead Kennedys — “Halloween” People who remember the ’80s and always thought Danzig was an utter, utter cock.
Screamin’ Jay Hawkins — “I Put a Spell on You” Anyone who thinks Lost Highway is David Lynch’s best film.
Whodini — “The Freaks Come Out at Night” Old school hip hoppers whose actual, genuine nightmare is a Halloween party where the stereo is dominated by Mike Will productions.
Suicide — “Frankie Teardop” Forbidding men in leather jackets who have never, ever smiled.
Anything by Salem People who knew exactly what was cool in 2009.
Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds — “Red Right Hand” Australians.
Skyhooks — “Horror Movie” Older Australians.
DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince — “Nightmare on My Street” Respectable couples who live in the suburbs and still use the word “hip.”
The Rocky Horror Picture Show — “Time Warp” Dudes who insist they don’t actually enjoy dressing up in drag but nevertheless do the Time Warp with alarming gusto.
Throbbing Gristle — “Hamburger Lady” That weird guy no one seems to know, who just killed the party by putting this on the stereo.
Bobby (Boris) Pickett and the Crypt-Kickers — “Monster Mash” The people who make DJing on Halloween a misery every year.