The Best Hair of the Enlightenment Era

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So many of the basic principals America was founded upon came from the brain of Voltaire, who was born on this day in 1694. Freedom of expression, religion, and the separation between church and state were all advocated by the witty French writer and philosopher. And while all of those things are important, we think it’s time to start talking about the Candide author for his truly epic wig, the likes of which contestants on RuPaul’s Drag Race could put to great use.

Look at that thing. Long, luxurious, and full of curls. It is without a doubt that Voltaire knew how to wear his fake hair. He’s obviously the best of the best; but where did his fellow Enlightenment thinkers stack up in the mop department?

Immanuel Kant

Short in the front, curly on the sides. This German philosopher was concerned with keeping it tight up top.

Benjamin Franklin

They teach you a lot of things about this founding father that’s on the 100-dollar bill, but they fail to mention the fact that he had an incredibly sweet mullet.

Johann Gottfried Herder

Kant had two rows of curls, but this younger German philosopher had one. Is that some sort of sign or something?

Vasily Karazin

This Ukrainian Enlightenment-era renaissance man kept it real with his own hair, and looked a little like Anne Hathaway in Les Mis:

John Locke

Locke just let it flow while he was writing his groundbreaking treatises that influenced everybody from Rousseau to J.J. Abrams.

Goethe

This German didn’t have to make a deal with the devil to get his sweet head of hair that made him look like some old school country singer from Tennessee in the 1970s. The slicked-back hair and sideburns things looked pretty badass.