December 1, 2013 will go down in infamy as the night when:
a) Amazon founder Jeff Bezos announced his company is working on a drone service to deliver packages more quickly, revolutionizing how your orders get to you;
b) Amazon founder Jeff Bezos announced his company is working on a drone service to deliver packages more quickly, but when the service is actually launched, the drones don’t work and Amazon becomes a laughingstock;
or c) Amazon founder Jeff Bezos announced his company is working on a drone service to deliver packages more quickly — and the drones operate well for a few months but eventually turn on Amazon and begin the great Robot Wars. Thanks so much, Bezos.
But where were you when the announcement was made? Because if you glanced at Twitter in the hours immediately after Bezos told the world that the flying robots were coming, there’s a good chance you saw (or sent) a tweet to mark the night we discovered a faster way to get more stuff — or, you know, what will be remembered as the time we laughed about the robots that would soon enslave us all. So, which of the following tweets best represented your approach to the drone news?
You were the clever-with-Photoshop type of Twitter user. Although this image is actually less funny, more fucking terrifying.
You were Michael Schaub, and decided a new spin on a Philip K. Dick classic was in order.
You were a Grantland contributor, like @netw3rk, and had a sports metaphor at the ready.
You were the over-it-before-everybody-else type.
You were the complacent type. But the robot rulers won’t be touched by your support, since they have no emotions.
You were a great Minnesota-based indie publisher that made us all dream of a more Rockwellian, less Kurzweilian future.
You were William Gibson, and your opinion was among the only ones that truly counted, so you decided to weigh in on the topic by reminding us of Jeff Bezos and Segways.
You went for the Tea Party angle?
You were Jessica Suarez, looking at the drones from a more whimsical angle.
You were getting your news from another source.
You were looking on the bright side.
You were Jami Attenberg, just hoping to make some new friends.
You were British.
You were just trying to come up with other uses for the drones, like Dan Wilbur.
You thought quickly to create an Amazon Drone parody account.
You were an enterprising Flavorwire editor with bigger and better ideas. Get at me, Bezos.
You won Twitter. Congrats to Evie Nagy.