In case you were wondering how and why that Kardashian Khristmas Kard turned out so freaky weird and awful, we finally found the answer and it rhymes with Shmanyé. More offensive than that eyesore is San Francisco’s attempt to get everyone sexually harassed with these new “Mistletoe-Packing Drones.” But, obviously all the ladies are just looking for a holiday smooch to free them from their uptight spinsterhood and kitchen stoves filled with shoes. Pretty soon, 31% of the world’s population will be celebrating Christmas — but honestly, who cares about all that New Testament hullabaloo? Everyone knows the Old Testament is where it’s at, and it’s high time some of those folks get their moment in the sun. And lastly, we’ve been told — for probably the 90th time in the last four years — that Britney Spears’ dance moves are back, and here’s the carefully edited video to prove it.