A Selection of Anthems to Getting Irresponsibly Wasted

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And so, it’s New Year’s Eve, aka one of the days wherein society deems it entirely acceptable (and in fact, kinda obligatory) to get utterly blotto. When you think of it, waking up with a stonking hangover doesn’t seem like the most auspicious way to greet a new year, but if you’re gonna do it, you might as well have a decent soundtrack for the whole messy process. A few weeks back, we looked at the best songs about alcohol, for better or worse, and we’re revisiting the idea with a selection of anthems to getting irresponsibly wasted on, well, various substances. Have fun, and try to be somewhat responsible, eh?

The Notorious B.I.G. — “Party and Bullshit”

Biggie’s first single and in your correspondent’s opinion, still a contender for the title of his best song. It’s definitely one of his best party anthems, anyway, cataloging the joys of crashing a party, getting drunk, picking up one of the, um, ladies, and hitting the road. Some nights, everything just works out perfectly (even if a fight does break out.)

Relevant lyric: “Honeys want to chat/ But all we wanna know is: where the party at?”

George Thorogood — “One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer”

This is pretty self-explanatory, no? In fairness, it’s not exactly a happy song — it involves the protagonist getting shitfaced because his girl has left him — but it does make a pretty great drinking song.

Relevant lyric: “One bourbon, one scotch and one beer/ Hey mister bartender, come here!”

Queens of the Stone Age — “Feel Good Hit of the Summer”

And here’s the ultimate in utilitarian party music: a lyric that consists of all QOTSA’s favorite substances and precisely nothing else.

Relevant lyric: “C-c-c-c-c-cocaiiiiiiiinnnnnneeeee!”

Ludacris — “Everybody Drunk”

Hip hop’s resident clown prince has always had a way with a party anthem, and this really speaks for itself, especially its refrain, which makes very, very, very sure that you realize everyone with Ludacris is, yes, drunk as fuck.

Relevant lyric: “Where the cops at?/ ‘Cause I’m drunk as fuck, tell ’em I’m far from sober” (Seriously, though, don’t drink and drive, kids.)

Japandroids — “Young Hearts Spark Fire”

Latter day anthemic punk rock, thy name is Japandroids. As far as party anthems go, the last decade or so hasn’t offered many better than this.

Relevant lyric: “We finished our old lives/ Like we finished off the wine/ Now we’re used to staying up all night”

Clipse — “Keys Open Doors”

Pusha T and his brother have made a career out of being hip hop’s most notorious portable vacuum cleaners, and this song is… well, let’s be honest, it’s an ode to the joys of having a fuckton of cocaine. Most of it, of course, is destined for the market, but our heroes weren’t gonna let it all go to waste, were they?

Relevant lyric: “Open the Frigidaire/ 25 to life in here/ So much white you might think ya Holy Christ is near”

NERD — “Everybody Nose (All The Girls Standing In The Line For The Bathroom)”

And yes, of course Pusha T guested on this. (The worst part, of course, is when you actually really just need to piss, and you get stuck behind endless gaggles of wastoids who emerge from the stalls three at a time, giggling.)

Relevant lyric: “Bartender give you drinks, you just laugh/ You just wanna dance in your reckless path”

Primal Scream — “Higher than the Sun”

Now look, we’re not advocating anyone taking MDMA (and shit, half the stuff you get these days is terrible anyway), but if by any chance you did happen to be on such a drug and were looking for something to listen to… well, look no further. Stay safe, kids.

Relevant lyric: “I’m higher than the sun/ I’m higher than the sun” (ad infinitum)

Beastie Boys — “(You Gotta) Fight for Your Right (To Party)”

I hope no bad people show up! Oh. Fuck.

Relevant lyric: Um, “You gotta fight/ For your right/ To party”

Casiotone for the Painfully Alone — “New Year’s Kiss”

And finally, one for the morning after. You’d never accuse Owen Ashworth of being a dude who’s given to writing party anthems, but there’s something all too real about this song, its bleary-eyed lyric narrating a tale of getting wasted and having ill-advised sex in a pantry on New Year’s Eve. “Not the way you’d imagined it,” as Ashworth’s lyric says, but shit, we’ve all done it… and it’s not always such a bad thing, to be honest.

Relevant lyric: “Woke up with fingers crossed/ In a boy’s bed with your pants off/ After polite declines of coffee and toast/ Walked home itching in last night’s clothes”