2. Jennifer Lawrence photobombing Taylor Swift:
3. Tina Fey’s Gravity joke: “It’s the story of how George Clooney would rather float away in space and die then spend one more minute with a woman of his own age.”
4. In fact, the whole opening monologue was damned great:
5. Julia Louis-Dreyfus’ implicit endorsement of e-cigarettes:
6. Jennifer Lawrence’s first arguable miss of an awards acceptance speech, which came on the heels of LUPITA NYONG’O BEING ROBBED:
7. Jacqueline Bisset’s incoherent speech, which she dotted with a “shit” the Globes producers didn’t manage to properly bleep out.
8. Amy Poehler appearing, in the name of gender equality, as Tina Fey’s “adult son from a previous relationship,” Randy.
9. Amy Poehler winning a Golden Globe at the very awards she was hosting!
10. Jared Leto’s awkward joke about Brazilian waxing and “period pieces,” which hours later I still cannot figure out the intended punchline of.
11. NO SHOES EMMA THOMPSON HOLDING A MARTINI.
12. Diane Keaton singing about Woody Allen, and conducting her whole tribute as though there weren’t a layer of weird whenever we get into the issues of Woody Allen and women.
13. Reese Witherspoon introducing 12 Years a Slave with full Southern accent, eek.
14. Tina Fey’s welcome to Leonardo DiCaprio: “And now, like a supermodel’s vagina, let’s give a warm welcome to Leonardo DiCaprio.”
15. 12 Years a Slave won, after a night of nearly being shut out! Thank god.