In case you were asleep or watching Girls, Downton Abbey, True Detective, or any of the television offerings tonight that did not involve increasingly drunken celebrities thanking their “teams,” here are all the moments of the Golden Globes we expect people to be talking about tomorrow. Complete with GIFs, where appropriate.
1. Elisabeth Moss gives E!’s mani-cam the finger:
2. Jennifer Lawrence photobombing Taylor Swift:
3. Tina Fey’s Gravity joke: “It’s the story of how George Clooney would rather float away in space and die then spend one more minute with a woman of his own age.”
4. In fact, the whole opening monologue was damned great:
5. Julia Louis-Dreyfus’ implicit endorsement of e-cigarettes:
6. Jennifer Lawrence’s first arguable miss of an awards acceptance speech, which came on the heels of LUPITA NYONG’O BEING ROBBED:
7. Jacqueline Bisset’s incoherent speech, which she dotted with a “shit” the Globes producers didn’t manage to properly bleep out.
8. Amy Poehler appearing, in the name of gender equality, as Tina Fey’s “adult son from a previous relationship,” Randy.
9. Amy Poehler winning a Golden Globe at the very awards she was hosting!
10. Jared Leto’s awkward joke about Brazilian waxing and “period pieces,” which hours later I still cannot figure out the intended punchline of.
11. NO SHOES EMMA THOMPSON HOLDING A MARTINI.
12. Diane Keaton singing about Woody Allen, and conducting her whole tribute as though there weren’t a layer of weird whenever we get into the issues of Woody Allen and women.
13. Reese Witherspoon introducing 12 Years a Slave with full Southern accent, eek.
14. Tina Fey’s welcome to Leonardo DiCaprio: “And now, like a supermodel’s vagina, let’s give a warm welcome to Leonardo DiCaprio.”
15. 12 Years a Slave won, after a night of nearly being shut out! Thank god.