Take a drink whenever…
someone discusses Beyoncé.
someone compares Mars to Michael Jackson or Prince.
someone confuses the Red Hot Chili Peppers’ Chad Smith for Will Ferrell.
someone over 30 looks visibly confused when Bruno Mars takes the stage.
someone under 30 looks visibly confused when the Red Hot Chili Peppers take the stage.
Finish your drink if…
Red Hot Chili Peppers drummer Chad Smith makes good on his promise to tackle Mars before or during the show.
Flea defies logic and the weather by performing nude à la Woodstock ’99.
Mars channels his Elvis impersonator roots and wears a blue suede jumpsuit.
someone discusses Nipplegate and the Red Hot Chili Peppers’ Mother’s Milk in the same breath.
the Super Bowl corporate overlords let Mars get away with singing about a “cocaine-kicker” during his potential performance of “Gorilla.”
Do a shot if…
the Red Hot Chili Peppers have a wardrobe malfunction, and it involves tube socks.
M.I.A gives a real or virtual middle finger, commenting on the performance (or lack thereof).
Pharrell and Daft Punk make a surprise appearance and get in on the funk with a performance of “Get Lucky.” Take two shots if the ensuing robot disco accidentally short circuits the stadium, causing a blackout. Take three shots if Mars and Flea take cover underneath Pharrell’s Smokey the Bear hat.
a polar vortex shuts everything down.
Finish the bottle if…
the Red Hot Chili Peppers say hell with it and wind up playing Led Zeppelin’s live version of “Dazed and Confused” anyway.
comedian Jon Daly and Cyrus Ghahremani’s Red Hot Chili Peppers cover parody is better than the band’s actual performance.
a disgruntled Bon Jovi, Bruce Springsteen, and Parliament-Funkadelic crash the show. It’s Jersey country, y’all.