50 Gifts for Your Valentine That Don’t Suck

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Ah February, ye of the punishing cold, disappointing social calendar, and most existentially troubling holiday to ever be invented, we meet again. Here at Flavorwire, we have a little tradition around this time: rounding up ways to avoid giving (or getting) anything lame this Valentine’s Day. Yes, crumbly, awkward chocolate roses, and the dude who swore they were a creative option, we’re looking at you. So after the jump, check out this year’s suggestions, from the cozy to the crazy, from the edible to the bed-able (yes, that happened). And treat yourself to a happy holiday, whether with that special someone, friends, or all by your onesies.

Moonrise Kingdom cross stitch love notes, $62

One for you, one for your twee raven.

Stumptown Coffee + Mast Brothers Chocolate in a Box, $40

Everybody’s two favorite things in the prettiest of packages. Plus, you know what you get when you mix aphrodisiacs and stimulants.

Marc Johns signed print, $20

After all, what is true love if not a four-legged paper monster?

xo Orpheus, ed. Kate Bernheimer, $18

A book of modern myths to inspire yank-you-from-the-underworld devotion.

Bunny Love ring, $48

Bunny love is the best love.

John Derian Heart in Hand Plate, $48

Because you’d totally rip it out and serve it on one, if she asked you to. Totally.

Write Like a Motherfucker Coffee Mug, $13

For the writer you love like a motherfucker.

Magic Carpet Yoga Mat, $98

One of those gifts that’s good for both of you.

Opening Ceremony Cosmetics Pouch, $65

Functional AND covered in bunnies.

Coral and Tusk Foxy Badge, $24

A well-earned merit badge for the foxiest person in your life.

The Strongbox, $28

A place for all your valuables. Like the heart of someone you love. Metaphorically, you guys, metaphorically.

Diamond Box, $15

It may not be time for real diamonds, but it’s never too early in a relationship for this cool bling-shaped box.

Arpa Handmade Card Set, $14

For love letters to come.

Sweet Nothing Brass Necklace, $40

An oldie but a goodie for your back-talking baby. Or better yet, chisel your own.

The Belgian Dart Set, $122

Two words: Naked Darts. Totally not as dangerous as it sounds.

Cashmere Boy Shorts, $136

Um, yes please.

French Cheese Collection, $60

Say it with cheese.

Eye Pot, $53

An adorable, arty little pot that doubles as a planter. Also for keeping a metaphorical eye on your beloved.

Slim Coffee Pot, $88

For heating things up.

My Mistress’s Sparrow Is Dead: Great Love Stories, from Chekhov to Munro, ed. Jeffrey Eugenides, $16

A timeless collection of some of the best love stories of all time. For (maybe a page or two of) bedtime reading.

Heart Sweater, $550

If you’re going to go with a sweater covered in hearts, this is the best, chicest, option. Plus, it’s cashmere.

Moroccan Pouf, $295

My heart is like a red red pouf.

Siri Knit Cap, €110

Hey, it’s still cold out there.

Big Bloom Vase, $40

For making the most of what you’ve got.

Versa Heart-Shaped Spoons, $45

You won’t be hearing any hearts-in-mouths jokes here. Nope. Not even thinking of them.

Bubblegum Paperweight, $180

A cheeky gift for your favorite overgrown teenager.

Baggu Leather Pouch, $40

Just the right size for a handful of valentines.

A subscription to a literary magazine (like Conjunctions), $18

Smart is sexy.

Ghost Candelabra, $65

To add a little elegant mystery to any romantic dinner.

Heart Bottle Stopper, $5

In case you need to, ahem, pause in the middle of that bottle.

Quartz Terrarium, $140

First step is taking care of a plant. Should be easy in such a beautiful little home.

Stump Cufflink, $220

Customizable to your own initials! All together now: awwwwwwww.

Matchstick Ring, $180

Keep the flame alive.

Portable Mint Tin Guitar Amp, $35

For your favorite sweet-breathed rocker.

Pyramid Cushion, $150

To infinity and beyond!

Headboard Wall Decal, $31

Consider it an invitation to spend a little bit more time in bed.

Bourbon & Vanilla Shea Butter Soap, $9

So many good things packed into one adorable little package.

Marquee Light Heart, $159

For the light of your life, rust and all.

Baby Vamp Gold Ring Set, $525

Love bites. And then you’re together forever (until somebody gets staked).

Pewter Tea Strainer, $68

Tea for two.

Rose Geranium Bath Soak, $45

Real relaxation in a delicious-smelling tub is a gift money can’t buy. But this will help.

Spirit Decanters, $199

A little Old World elegance goes a long way.

Kerr Votive Lantern, $36

Light the night.

Natalie Kim Girl & Lions print, $48

For your favorite cheeky lion-tamer.

Delfina Delettrez Eye and Pearl Earring, $510

Here’s looking at you, kid.

Nike Vintage Collection Air Pegasus ’83 Sneakers, $100

Big ups.

Duality His/Hers Tote, $50

The family that totes together…

MUJI Funny Face Stamp Set, $20

They’re like emoticons, only you can leave them everywhere.

Crosley Spinnerette Turntable, $150

Baby, right round.

Felt Succulent Planter, $23

Also known as “the love pod.”