Apropos of not a great deal, I fell into a sort of INXS YouTube hole recently, which reminded me that a) they’re a hugely underrated band — honestly, no one could touch them between 1982 and 1987; and b) their bass player was called “Garry Gary Beers.” As far as silly rock ‘n’ roll names go, it’s one of the better ones, and it got an inter-office discussion started at Flavorwire Central about the silliest stage names of our time. There are loads, obviously, but these are the ones that particularly caught our fancy, either for being endearingly stupid or just plain ridiculous.
Garry Gary Beers
First “Garry”: two “r”s. Second “Gary”: one “r.” It made sense to him, presumably, but to the rest of the world…
The conceit of naming themselves simultaneously after models and serial killers worked out well for most of Marilyn Manson’s band — most obviously the former Brian Warner himself, but also for guitarist Jordie White, who still goes by “Twiggy Ramirez,” and various others. Not so much for drummer Kenneth Robert Wilson, however, who ended up sounding like something you order at a Chinese restaurant.
The 20th century’s answer to Benedict Cumberbatch.
To be clear, I rather like Nikki Sixx, who always came across as the smart one in Mötley Crüe (and is a surprisingly good photographer). But that name… the best thing about this is that Frank Carlton Serafino Feranna, Jr., wasn’t even the first Nikki Sixx — that honor belonged to the gentleman from whom he shamelessly lifted the name sometime in the early ’80s. As per the band’s book, The Dirt: “[There was] a guy named Nikki Syxx, who used to play in a Top 40 cover band and later with a surf-punk outfit called John and the Nightriders. I loved his name, but I couldn’t just steal it. So I decided to call myself Nikki Nine. But everybody said it was too punk rock, and punk was too mainstream. I needed something that was more rock and roll, and Six was rock and roll. So I decided that anyone who thinks surfing has anything to do with rock and roll doesn’t deserve such a cool name, and I soon applied to have my name legally changed to Nikki Sixx. It was like stealing his soul.” Hilariously, the original Nikki Syxx apparently ended up as a born-again Christian, and confronted his better-known namesake backstage at a show, accusing him of “[taking] my name, [sucking] my soul out and using [it] to spread the word of Satan.”
The gates to what, though? The place where the dictionaries are all hidden?
When I was 12 I thought this was cool as fuck, but let’s be honest, it seems more than a little silly for a grown man to still be referring to himself by a name that starts with the definite article. (See also: The Game, The Rock, The Situation, etc.)
GUESS WHERE HE’S FROM! GO ON, GUESS! I BET YOU CAN’T!
will.i.am and those other two wazzocks from the Black Eyed Peas
Clearly, there are many things to dislike about the Black Eyed Peas beyond their stage names, but still, what’s with the lower case and superfluous periods? Was it supposed to look “internet”?