Everyone’s favorite puppets are at it again. This week, Muppets Most Wanted hit theaters, taking audiences on a world tour while the Muppets become embroiled in another crazy caper — this time involving a European jewel heist. The dastardly goings-on in the new Muppets movie have us jonesing for the backstabbing, betrayal, and bloody battles within the Seven Kingdoms of HBO’s Game of Thrones. With the premiere of Season 4 right around the corner (April 6), we couldn’t resist a little cross-comparison between the Muppets family and the houses of Westeros. Feel free to add your own picks, below.
Cersei Lannister as Miss Piggy
Greedy, cruel, beautiful, and hot-tempered, the Lannister Queen Regent and diva pig are led by their whims and desires. Both lack patience and have unreasonable expectations, fueled by an all-consuming drive toward the finer things in life.
Jon Snow as Kermit the Frog
Noble, but naive, and beloved by women (even though they’re both green when it comes to the opposite sex), the humble frog and Night’s Watch guard are quiet heroes who try to maintain optimism in the face of adversity.
Jaime Lannister as Link Hogthrob
Possessing good looks with egos to match, these leading men are highfalutin heartbreakers (in Jaime’s case, even his own sister isn’t immune to his charms) — but both fellas are too smug for their own good. Miss Piggy’s paramour was born a swine, but the Lannister swordsman could easily be mistaken for one due to his brutish ways.
Joffrey Baratheon as Rizzo the Rat
The Crown Prince talks tough, but when it comes to fighting the bloody battles between the Seven Kingdoms, the young royal has proven he’s a coward. The New York-born rat also puts on a good show, dishing out sarcasm like nobody’s business, but the cocky rodent struggles with an intense fear of heights and is prone to anxiety attacks.
Sansa Stark as Mildred Huxtetter
It’s Sansa and Mildred’s world, and we’re just living in it. These haughty “princesses” pride themselves on being women of fine breeding, possessing worldly knowledge. Sansa fell in love with a sociopath, and Mildred went gaga for a crusty custodian, so their taste in partners isn’t as refined as they’d like to believe.
Petyr Baelish as Uncle Deadly
The mustache twirling and lurking are in full force when it comes to these two sophisticated, but creepy gents. The “Phantom of the Muppet Show” makes the switch from ghostly henchman to good guy, but whether the Master of Coin follows suit remains to be seen. We hope he stays bad.
Varys as Dr. Bunsen Honeydew
Melon-headed brothers from another mother, Lord Varys and the great Muppet doctor dabble with various potions, but the eunuch’s herbal tonics have been known to kill.
Tyrion Lannister as Fozzie Bear
Always quick with a humorous aside, the resident funny-bear and cunning “imp” are used to being the target of ridicule and are rarely taken seriously. We’d like to think these two would happily share a barrel of wine, snarking about life late into the night.
Tywin Lannister as Statler and Waldorf
Perched from their thrones, these humorless men always have the last word. The Lord of Casterly Rock is a calculating and callous leader, while the disagreeable Muppet duo spew non-stop criticisms at their fellow Muppets (peons, sorry), making them just as cruel.
Arya Stark as The Great Gonzo
Appearances can be deceiving. The young, tomboyish Stark and alien Muppet defy being pigeonholed and delight in their differences. Arya is skilled with a sword, and Gonzo is known for performing dangerous stunts (though they sometimes end disastrously). Whip-smart and wild-eyed, these two possess the cunning to rule their respective worlds one day.
Daenerys Targaryen as Janice
Two highly skilled, badass women in a group of men.
Theon Greyjoy as Beaker
Abused, ill-fated, and ginger-headed, the panicky Muppet lab assistant and youngest son of Lord Balon Greyjoy are long-suffering figures who attract nothing but trouble.
Jorah Mormont as Rowlf the Dog
The exiled knight and advisor for Daenerys Targaryen is loyal like a pup, and shares Rowlf’s calm, cool, and collected demeanor — and his deadpan humor.
Melisandre as Taminella Grinderfall
All of them witches. Taminella Grinderfall made rare appearances in several Muppets projects. The villainous puppet was fond of fooling others, and became known for her masterful impersonations and ingenious disguises. The prophetic priestess in Game of Thrones also uses magic and trickery (and seduction) to manipulate those around her.
Ygritte as Cookie Monster
Controlled by their insatiable appetites — for cookies, Jon Snow, and revenge.