Welcome to Orphan Black, the most plot-heavy-ish (it’s basically Run, Lola, Run, week after week) show on TV! I am your guest recapper this down-at-the-farm-themed week, and let’s get started. Fair warning: if the character is not played by Tatiana Masanly, I may not know their names.
We start in the middle of a wild field, a stark, menacing tree taking the center, Sarah, Felix, and Kira sleeping in the stolen truck. Or, rather, Sarah and Kira had the truck bed, and Felix camped outside on the flatbed, and his waking up process isn’t pretty. Besides, they’re on the run from everybody, from the Birdwatchers to the Prolethians’ religious cult to the Dyad science-y institute. And Felix is reeling over Mrs. S.’s recent actions: “Our dear old mum is dead-eyed with a rifle. It makes me queasy.” He steps in cowshit, complaining the whole way.
Meanwhile, the Birdwatchers’ cozy hidden-away manse is invaded by creeps. On one hand we have blonde clone Rachel’s right-hand man, Daniel Rosen (a bit nondescript, this slab of Canandian bacon, but he is important this episode) sneaking through the bloodbath, and he immediately hides once the creepy religious cult guys (who had gotten to the people that were going to protect Kira and Sarah) drive up the bend, cleaning up the carnage. But we know what creepy Daniel Rosen is on the trail of: miracle of science child Kira.
On the road, Kira, Sarah, and Felix pull a pretty decent scam at the general store to get themselves some food. Hustling. They discuss where they should run away to, and Sarah suggests holing up somewhere since Kira needs to sleep in a bed. They break into a photographer’s summer home and try to catch up on sleep. Sarah tells Kira that “I’m here now. Nothing bad is going to happen to you.” Saying something like that is pretty ballsy, Punk Clone!
Cop Angie is on the hunt for clone-action, coming by Art’s and trying to encourage him. Alison is passive aggressively vacumning and waking up Donnie. Later, Alison has a run-in with Angie outside play rehearsal. Angie is in suburban mom drag. But Alison doesn’t trust this attempt at friendship, and she shouldn’t. Her play (a real musical, Blood Ties, sounds hilarious) debuts, and she blows it, squawking in song and eventually fainting. Donnie is worried.
Cosima makes crazy science with Delphine at Dyad, where they discover the videos of a new clone, cheery, pretty schoolteacher, Jennifer Fitzsimmons. She’s videoblogging her cancer. It starts with polyps on her lungs, but she’s optimistic. But she’s dead, apparently, and Cosima looks worried. When they watch Jennifer’s later videos — in a nice turn by Maslany — the vitality from her first video is gone. Her spirit is crushed. “I’m going to die here,” she says, bald and sick in a hospital bed.
Helena is on the Crazy Religious nut farm, where the redheaded teen, Grace, is giving her lunch. Grace is creeped out by Helena, calling her “barely human,” and Helena mentions that she has a family, a twin (Sarah).
Uh oh! Turns out Sarah’s farmhouse getaway had one little problem – the owner comes home. While Felix freaks out about it, turns out Sarah knows the guy, because he’s Hot Liam From ABC’s Nashville, aka the ubiquitous actor Michiel Huisman, whose chemistry with everybody has meant he’s working very hard playing a lot of characters described as “bad boys,” whether it’s Treme or his New Daario on Game of Thrones. In this case, Liam from Nashville is playing Cal Morison (what is this, some wack Canadian spelling?), Your LL Bean Boyfriend fantasy dream scruffy guy at the farm, resplendent in plaid and a general air of Ron Swanson fantasy manliness. He’s dubious about being near Sarah, who, last time she saw him, took 10K and his car, but there’s a twist: Cal may be Kira’s dad. The Golden Child asks, adorably, Are you my dad? And she likes his beard. Cal is can’t leave a child behind. Could he get any dreamier?
So who is Cal Morison? In a barn with lots of sharp instruments, Felix confronts Cal. Apparently Cal is a simple guy with a nice rural farm who was able to live that life because he sold mini bee drone pollinators for the big money, and he despairs over the results. “You’re a moralist with money, the perfect mark.” After Felix fights with Cal, our favorite foster brother then fights with Sarah, calling her out on her subterfuge and saying she’s a “bloody wrecking ball, an exploding cigar.” He blows this farm, saying he’s not needed there.
Cosima and Delphine look at the corpse of Jennifer Fitzsimmons. She had growths in her uterus, which was probably why she was infertile. It’s probably the same for each clone, save Sarah.
Sarah tries to apologize to Cal. He says, “Can’t you stop running for a minute?” and they do “it” while the soundtrack blares a song with the lyric: “I remember when the bed was our home.” Hot and yet not? The morning after, they’re cozy. Cal and Sarah and Kira. Kind of like a family. But when Kira asks to feed the chickens, creepy Daniel Rosen pulls up into the drive. He takes Kira’s hand, and Sarah hears the calls of “Mommy!” She runs out and manages to switch places with Kira. Kira runs into the arms of Cal. Whereas Sarah is stuck with Daniel Rosen, who just murdered the crap out of a cop, right on Cal’s farm.
The Polytheans’ Pharm is not much better. Art has snuck onto the grounds, taking photos. Redheaded teen Grace remains annoyed at Helena’s existence. She thinks she doesn’t have a soul. But Helena does have a soul according to the cowboy-hatted guy, enough so that he can marry Helena in the world’s creepiest ceremony. The cult is dressed in white and cowboy hat binds his hands to Helena. They are instruments in the war for creation. We do not look forward to the attempt at impregnation.
Sarah is stuck driving the car for Daniel Rosen. He finds the photo in her pocket, the crumpled-up, ancient picture from Dyad Industries, a picture that may have some relevance to Sarah’s mere existence. “You touch her [Kira] and I’ll bury you,” Sarah threatens, but she’s cut short — a truck crashes into their car.
Next week on Orphan Black: action! Someone saying “She’s the key to all this.” Probably Kira. And some light bondage featuring Sarah. Get ready for 50 Shades of Clones!