“Dita Von Teese and the Naughty Naughty Goodnights”: A Children’s Story for Adults, Told via Instagram

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Artist and creative machine Donald Robertson, known on Instagram by his handle @donalddrawbertson, is a behind-the-scenes player who’s finally coming into the spotlight. Robertson is Head of Creative Development at Bobbi Brown Cosmetics, and was one of the three original founders of MAC Cosmetics, but what we — and plenty of New York socialites — love most about him are his quick, whimsical portraits. He can conjure gorgeous characters out of just a couple brushstrokes, and his paint doodles will likely become the most welcome part of your daily Instagram scrolling.

Over the past three days, Robertson has slowly released panels from his “children’s story for adults,” “Dita Von Teese and the Naughty Naughty Goodnights.” It’s a clever little tale of some “naughty” children from the Naughty family who won’t take off their playclothes and go to bed — until the one and only Dita Von Teese steps in to save the day. The story and its illustrations include hints of Eloise, Madeline, and Amelia Bedelia. It’s all very casual: some of the text rhymes, some doesn’t, and we’ve edited for typos and spacing, but left his scattered exclamation points and capitalization because they’re cute quirks.

Hopefully, Robertson will publish the story as an actual book someday. But for now, at least you can enjoy this lovely tale via slideshow and Instagram.

The Naughtys terrible children refused to go to bed!

“Why can’t we have any fun?”

“Why can’t we stay out late?”

“It’s no fair and we protest!”

“We REFUSE to go to bed!”

The kids would have their nurse call the club and complain and beg the Naughtys to come home!

“No way! No how!” Father would scream into Dita’s Club House phone!

“Nurse!!! We pay you a fortune! Make those Naughty children GO TO BED!”

“WE WILL NOT ! NEVER ! EVER! NEVER GET UNDRESSED AND GO TO BED!!!!!!!!!”

Family dog was sick with worry! These children need to go to bed!

“I suggest we call the police and report the Naughtys missing,” Nurse said. The policeman was very rude and said, “I’m laughing so hard I’m pissing.”

Family dog had had it! We are ALL exhausted!

“These children must get undressed for bed!”

That is when then the most brilliant idea popped into his teeny tiny family dog head!

“I know who can HELP us! I went by there once on a walk. I will sneak inside and find that stripper Dita’s cat! He will know exactly what to do! (and while I am out there I might as well go number two!)”

Family dog poured his heart out to Dita’s cat Bat, and Bat waited for Dita to plan their attack! At intermission they decided Dita would be the one to put the naughty children to bed.

“Let me just get this thing off my head!”

Tick! Tock! Tick! Tock! The naughty children stood like rocks!

Dita, family dog, and Bat hailed a taxi and took off.

Patty Plates was a super talented stand-in Dita knew. So nobody in the club would scoff!

Family dog barked her “let me in” bark, and the Naughty children ran to open their front door! “You’re not our parents!” the Naughty children sneered!

“HELLO, I’m Dita! Dita Von Teese.” she said, sticking out one hip. “Your family dog has brought me home… I’m here to crack the whip!”

Family dog explained to Nurse exactly what was going down!

“Dita is an expert! Naughtiness is her area of expertise!”

“If I were you, I’d look away in case you don’t like what you’re going to see!”

“It’s fun being bad,” Dita explained to the nervous Naughtys.

“And it’s very bad to spoil your parents’ fun!” Dita scolded, hiding behind a drape!

“Is this called stripping?” The naughty boy asked Dita from inside his shirt.

Dita brushed out naughty girl’s hair while she read naughty boy a bedtime book!

Bat the cat had checked the time and shot Dita a nervous look!

“Your grand finale is in ten !!! We really have to book!”

“Good night, Naughty girl! Good night, Naughty little boy!” Dita turned to Bat. “Call a cab quick!” Family dog told Bat, “Nurse has one waiting for you downstairs!”

Getting back to the club was a really big pain!

But the other Naughtys had paid big big bucks to see Dita bathe in Champagne!

Before they took off, Dita said, “Nurse, the naughty children are sleeping!”

Nurse said, “I can’t believe my ears! Thank you dear Bat!”

Then family dog burst into tears.

Oh one last Naughty thing!

THE HAPPY ENDING. #wink