Trend Watch: Advice Books for Fetuses, Both Real and Imagined

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Rules for My Unborn Son , the new book by Walter Lamond (based on his blog), came out yesterday. In it, daddy-to-be Lamond doles out heartfelt, pithy advice ranging from the sartorial to the culinary with the hope that his as-yet-fetal child will follow it and be a better man. The book comes quick on the heels of another prenatal advice tome, the markedly less earnest What to Expect When You’re Expected , by David Javerbaum, ex-executive producer for The Daily Show. In it, he gives no-nonsense, by-the-week advice to help the unborn make the best use of their pre-birth months.

We think some of these bits of wisdom can transcend the border between womb and world. Can you tell which quips are meant for the fetus proper and which for the eventual child? Take a guess — the first one’s easy:

1. Don’t waste your time in the womb resenting your parents. You have your whole life ahead of you for that.

2. Offer to carry a woman’s bags. Especially your mother’s. She carried you for 9 months.

3. Ask your mom to play. She won’t let you win.

4. Because it is so unrewarding, office work is extremely safe.

5. Never eat lunch at your desk.

6. Redefine ‘meals’.

7. The fresher, the better.

8. Never eat the same meal twice in a row.

9. Invest in great luggage. You never know where you’ll end up.

10. Just remember: The Chinese character for ‘crisis’ also means ‘opportunity’.

11. Pace yourself. As eager as you are to get started, it’s just not realistic to expect to reach your full growth potential in a week or even a month.

12. Don’t rush. No coffee until you’re 16.

13. The weather is usually a safe subject, as it is always the same.

14. Never be the last one in the pool.

15. Make time for your mom on your birthday. It’s her special day too.

16. Don’t be a mooch. (We think neither fetus nor small child is likely to be able to stick to this one)

Watch the book trailer for Rules for My Unborn Son:

And for What to Expect When You’re Expected:

Which one is better for baby?

(Answers – Rules for fetus: 1, 4, 6, 7, 10, 11, 13. Rules for eventual child: 2, 3, 5, 8, 9, 12, 14, 15, 16)