This Week’s Top 5 TV Moments: Don’t Be a Doofie, Watch Out for a Roofie

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There are scores of TV shows out there, with dozens of new episodes each week, not to mention everything you can find on Hulu Plus, Netflix streaming, and HBO Go. How’s a viewer to keep up? To help you sort through all that television has to offer, Flavorwire is compiling the five best moments on TV each week. This time, Jessica Williams tackles campus sexual assault and True Blood returns in all its messy glory.

The Daily Show Nails Campus Sexual Assault

Following James Madison University’s bizarre decision to expel three sexual assailants… after their graduation, Daily Show host Jon Stewart charged correspondents Jessica Williams and Jordan Klepper with navigating campus safety. Williams’ advice to girls: never let your drink out of your sight, never let your friend stay drunk at a party, cover up if you’re walking home, and save all your crazy ex’s menacing voicemails and dick pics. Klepper’s advice to guys: “…Bros before hos?”

Tyrant Debuts to Limited Fanfare

FX’s latest entry into the Prestige Cable Drama Wars is the story of an LA pediatrician’s reluctant return to the country his family rules with an iron fist. While it sounds intriguing and comes from the brain of Homeland‘s creator, Tyrant unfortunately isn’t especially good. The pilot, which aired this Tuesday, attempts to make up for it with a few ***shockers***, including multiple sexual assaults perpetrated by one character and a brutal execution by another, albeit in flashback. Fictional Middle Eastern countries: they’re really violent!

True Blood Still Ridiculous, Makes Up for It with Gratuitous Sex

“Why do I watch this show again?” I asked myself as True Blood‘s final season began with an incoherent battle scene I couldn’t understand. “Oh, right,” I said as Jason and Violet had very graphic sex on a car hood. Alan Ball’s prodigal child may not have a clue when it comes to compelling plots or knowing when to stop introducing bland newbies, but I’ll be damned if it doesn’t have the most attractive cast this side of Game of Thrones. You do you, Anna Paquin and company. We’ve only got nine episodes left with the vamps anyway.

All-Clone Dance Party!

Orphan Black‘s second season wrapped up this past Saturday. The finale’s biggest twist is that, in addition to the group of female clones played with almost absurd dexterity by Tatiana Maslany, there’s also a group of male clones. But Orphan Black is all about the ladies, so let’s highlight the dance party between Felix and various versions of Maslany instead. Needless to say, the screenshot above doesn’t exactly do it justice.

Enlisted Ends Its Run

FOX’s tragically under-watched freshman comedy aired the last of its half-season’s worth of episodes this week. And while the military show had critical plaudits aplenty (Flavorwire’s TV editor dubbed it “The Best Show You’re Not Watching”), it’s a shame the story of three brothers at the same army base won’t have a shot at acquiring an audience to match its reviews.