The devolution of Wayne Coyne from fearless freak into fearful fuckwit has been one of the saddest spectacles in the music industry over the last few years. He was responsible for at least two of the truly great albums of the 1990s, and now he’s doing drugs with Kesha and filming Miley Cyrus in bed. This week sees the release of the first single from the upcoming record With a Little Help from My Fwends, in which Wayne and his sycophants wacky pals cover Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band in its entirety! How wild and crazy!
This is only the beginning, though: what the world doesn’t know is that Wayne and five fwends are also moving into a suspiciously cheap Manhattan apartment, where they will have all sorts of crazy adventures… and it’ll all be caught on camera! Yes, behold the glory of the first season of Fwends, starring Kesha as Phoebe, Chris Martin as Ross, Amanda “Fucking” Palmer as Monica, Miley Cyrus as Joey, the gummy skull as Chandler, and Wayne himself as Rachel’s haircut.
Episode 1: The One With the Drugs Chris is sad because he split up with his wife, so Wayne and Miley dose him with LSD to cheer him up, but in a psychedelic frenzy, Chris tries to eat the gummy skull! Hilarity ensues! Eventually Kesha slips Chris a klonopin, and he passes out in the local café, where Wayne’s working as a server. But then Wayne doses Chris again! Wayne’s a dick!
Episode 2: The One With the Kickstarter Amanda’s rich Boston family has stopped supporting her, so she can’t afford the rent. Her lame parents tell her to get a job, but instead she starts a crowdsourcing campaign to ask for money, and her wacky fans give her a million dollars! So funny! She has a discussion with Wayne about how she’s going to spend it, and she decides to donate $100 to charity and spend the rest on drugs! Everyone gets wasted and Kesha tries to eat the gummy skull!
Episode 3: The One With the Twerking Miley starts a petition to rename the local café “Central Twerk.” Wayne sees that people on the Internet have been calling her racially insensitive, so he tells them that they’re all wrong and he’s right because he’s Wayne Coyne! Kesha and Miley argue about who appropriates black culture better, and decide the dispute can only be settled with a twerk-off — but Wayne thinks they’re saying “jerk-off” and wonders why they’re talking about him! Miley wins! In the course of her celebrations, she gets so wasted that she tries to eat the gummy skull!
Episode 4: The One With the Nudity Wayne gets naked! Amanda gets naked! Kesha gets naked! Everyone gets naked! Even the gummy skull! Such art! So transgressive! Wow! Everyone gets wasted and Wayne tries to eat the gummy skull!
Episode 5: The One With the Cultural Appropriation Wayne goes to play at Coachella and comes home with a cool Native American headdress. He wears it everywhere, but then some dumb people on the Internet tell him that he shouldn’t because it upsets Native Americans! Wayne laughs at them and calls them stupid and then buys headdresses for everyone! The people on the Internet get even more upset! Wayne laughs at them some more! The gummy skull comes home wasted and tries to eat itself!
Episode 6: The One With the Bathtub Amanda and Wayne use a bathtub to film an artistic music video, in which they both get naked! Chris is appalled by this, but Wayne and Amanda tell him he’s just being a big lame-o! Miley offers to teach Chris to twerk so that he can be less lame! Chris decides to prove he’s not lame by getting naked in the bathtub! Kesha pours fake blood all over him! Everyone does coke off Amanda’s ass! Chris isn’t lame anymore!
Episode 7: The One With Billy Ray Miley’s dad Billy Ray comes to visit and wonders why his daughter is hanging out with a creepy man in his 50s. He decides he’s going to take Miley home, but Miley doesn’t want to go, because no one can tell her what to do! Billy Ray gets mad, but Amanda tells him that his possessiveness is born out of male entitlement and a product of the patriarchy! Billy Ray listens! Wayne serves up Wayne’s Special Magic Humboldt Cookies, and silly old Billy Ray doesn’t realize they have weed in them! Billy Ray tells interminable stories about Willie Nelson, and gets so wasted that he tries to eat the gummy skull!
Episode 8: The One With Instagram Wayne gets kicked off Instagram for posting naked pictures, so he decides to show the photo sharing app how lame it is by starting his own website! He posts lots of pics of naked ladies on AdultFwendFinder.com, but stupid people on the Internet don’t realize that it’s art, and keep calling it cheap second-rate porn produced by a man who’s old enough to know better! Wayne laughs because everyone on the Internet is stupid, and proves that he’s not lame by posting photos of himself doing drugs with Kesha! AdultFwendFinder.com gets shut down because some of the girls on the site look suspiciously underage!
Episode 9: The One With the Midlife Crisis Wayne wonders whether hanging out with his fwends is just symptomatic of a big old midlife crisis! Everyone else remains conspicuously silent!
Episode 10: The One With the Cannibalism Wayne drinks mushroom tea and does coke off Amanda’s ass and drinks a case of beer and gets so wasted that he actually does eat the gummy skull! The show is canceled! OMG!