Happy one-year anniversary to the moment Miley Cyrus killed twerk! Oh yeah, and there’s another Video Music Awards upon us. They air at 9 p.m. Sunday (August 24) on MTV, and the performers include Beyoncé, Nicki Minaj, Taylor Swift, Ariana Grande, Iggy Azalea, and more. Here are a bunch of ways to drink along with the VMAs.
POUR UP (DRANK) if…
– A presenter makes a bad joke/pun about someone being “Fancy.” (This is a trick, all “Fancy”-related jokes/puns are terrible.)
– A presenter calls Beyoncé flawless or Queen Bey, or suggests she runs the world/woke up like this/deserves your bow-downs.
– An audience member is shown tearing up during Sam Smith’s performance.
– A reference is made to Iggy Azalea or Nicki Minaj’s asses.
– Adam Levine is referred to as “The Sexiest Man Alive.” (Feel free to also throw up a little.)
– Usher flashes his front *and* bottom teeth in a grin, puckers up, or winks.
– Bey and Jay put on a happy front together.
– Pharrell wears a hat.
– Taylor Swift makes her surprised face. Looks like this, in case you’re new.
SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS if…
– Ariana Grande inserts a vocal run in a song where there previously wasn’t one. Extra shot if she does it dressed in a vinyl skirt or heinous white knee-high boots.
– 5 Seconds of Summer make you say, “When did 1D enter their blink-182 phase?”
– Charli XCX wears something from Spice World.
– Taylor Swift wears white on the red carpet.
– Someone in your viewing party says “who?” when Rita Ora performs with Iggy.
– Jessie J over-sings and/or tries to out-pop-star Ariana Grande and Nicki Minaj, ultimately failing. (Related: Jessie J, GTFO.)
– Someone addresses the fact that Jason Derulo used to sing his name.
– Eminem terrifies you with the look of rage in his eyes.
– Anyone uses the VMA stage to repeatedly pimp their album drop date. Drink the whole bottle if it’s A$AP Ferg, again.
GET DRUNK ON THE MINI-BAR if…
– Any white person twerks, or you feel uncertain about whether or not something is racially insensitive.
– Sia wins Video of the Year (for “Chandelier”) and manages to accept the award without showing her face.
– Nicki shades anyone. Double-fist if it’s Iggy-Iggs.
– Drake doesn’t come out for Nicki’s “Anaconda” performance. Those two crazy kids belong together!
– Taylor Swift appears to be having a better time than anyone else, until you spot a glimpse of fear behind her eyes when she wonders if Kanye’s there. Kim’s presenting soooo…
– Your mind lingers to what Chris Kirkpatrick and Joey Fatone are doing now, one year after the 45-second *NSYNC reunion. Sigh.