It’s midday. You’re tired, I’m tired, let’s stop pretending we’re not after the same things: let’s talk about useless shit related to celebrities.
And what better a place to look than Buzzfeed? Kindly, they’ve taken into consideration the fact that we all might be sick and tired of the same old Chris Browns and Bonos that have pervaded recent news. However, we’re not sick of the Wonsb Risch and Nobos, amiright? Well, perhaps given my fatigue, my anagramming wit may not be quite up to par. But Buzzfeed has done the impeccable job I clearly couldn’t do, so behold the Team Womans (Emma Watson, anagrammatized — very timely, Buzzfeed), the A Catch Them Women Guy(s) (Matthew McConaughey) and other non-gendered celeb-scrambles.
In similar news, Miley Cyrus has also… changed her identity. While once her nose was a nose, it now appears to be a dick (perhaps she had to get it changed because of a “deviated septum”). But that kind of queerbaiting won’t get me, Miley: I know there’s really a nose under there. I know. But where, pray tell, are the wrecking balls? (There similarly seems to be a dick blocking my authorial dignity).
While Miley’s been busy being the cultural pioneer she is, Quentin Tarantino has been yelling at people. Forever. Uproxx provides a nice history of his feuds here. And while Mr. Tarantino was starting feuds, these celebrities were making friends. Did YOU know that Maya Rudolph and Gwyneth Paltrow were budz at age 7? Jealous? You, too can try to seem like someone Gwyneth Paltrow would want to be friends with by using this Goop recipe for a “Seafood Boil!”
Let’s take an interlude to fill the (awesome) vacuity of the rest of this: David Mitchell (author of The Bone Clocks, Cloud Atlas and Black Swan Green) recommends his 5 favorite Japanese novels over at A.V. Club. You can either read them or try to anagrammatize them into celebrity names (it’s the internet! You can do anything!).
And, uh, now back to more substantial matters: Lindsey Lohan is having more career ideas. Peace.