The most rational recipe I can find comes from The Bottle Gang, who very carefully suggest that you don’t try this at home: 3 oz. vodka, 1.5 oz. Kirschwasser, 1.5 oz. Creme de Cassis, 1.5 oz. Blackberry Brandy. Take everything and pour it into a rocks glass. Stir. Now take a spoon, turn it upside down, and pour 151 rum over the spoon so it distributes itself evenly over the top. Light it.
Bathtub Mint Julep: “Homer vs. the 18th Amendment” is one of the best Simpsons episodes, and the source of not just the toast at the top of this piece but also cocktail wisdom such as, “You can’t seriously want to ban alcohol. It tastes great, makes women appear more attractive, and makes a person virtually invulnerable to criticism,” and, “All our founding fathers, astronauts and world series heroes have been either drunk or on cocaine.”
While you may not store your liquor in bowling balls, that’s no reason not to enjoy a mint julep. Muddle a tablespoon spoon of simple syrup and mint leaves at the bottom of a tumbler. Add crushed ice and six ounces of bourbon. It’s a classic and an ideal way to enjoy your bourbon – the “brownest of the brown liquors,” as lawyer Lionel Hutz would describe it.
“I’m feelin’ low, Apu,” says Homer. “You got any of that beer that has candy floating in it, you know, Skittlebrau?” “Such a product does not exist, sir! You must have dreamed it.” “Oh. Well then just gimme a six-pack and a couple of bags of Skittles.”
If the makers of Sparks are ever looking for a new product, this is it. And most of the work has been done for them. The Crazy Engineer has been methodically testing various combinations of fruit candy and beer in search of the right match. So far he has learned that “Malt beverages do not seem to mix well with the fruity candy, but bitter, quality beers seem to mesh well. Obviously, more research needs to be done, but it is certainly nothing to laugh at.”
Of course, Mr. Crazy Engineer. We wouldn’t dream of laughing at you.