With Halloween nearing and everyone guzzling listicles of scary things — essentially having their fears dictated to them — it’s easy to forget the commonplace horrors. For example, while you’ve likely been busy getting your coulrophobia rekindled by American Horror Story, your fear of say, Comic Sans, has probably been relegated to the backseat of your subconscious. Well, I’d like to change that. There’s lots out there to be afraid of, and most of it isn’t bedecked in foam noses and white makeup (though, arguably, Comic Sans would be the actual most horrific thing in the world if it were wearing a clown costume).
While people often fear the ghosts of their pasts, or you know, just ghosts, it’s rare that they’d consider the possibility of an old song they’d thought long-buried coming back to haunt them. But, when I was scrolling through the A.V. Club today, and came upon a link related to James Blunt’s You’re Beautiful, that unseen, “truly” “beautiful” face that was so ubiquitous circa 2005 flashed before my eyes; I almost spilled my ghost-Chantico and felt the sudden urge to post a blood-curdling scream to my Livejournal. Well, luckily, James Blunt gets it. For, the very reason the song resurfaced today is because Blunt admitted, yes, that it’s annoying. A little less scary, now that we have Blunt on our side to help kill the demons he unleashed.
Speaking of British men and the things they spew:
Vice reports that British men aren’t as attracted to small containers as American men, or something, and British sperm banks are struggling. And, while, on first sight, the under-the-microscope image of random squiggly stuff above might send shivers down your spine (because people are also, if you didn’t know, really afraid of something called Ebola right now), we must remain sperm-positive for the sake of England’s future population (despite what Hollywood might think, they can’t all just be played by Renee Zellweger).
Another scary thing is the realization that you might like — and even be rooting for — Shia LaBeouf. And I think at this point I am. You know what? He’s an excellent actor. As I said, I’m not saying I’m not ashamed and a little scared of this admission. But he’s been very contrite lately (as he should be — the audacity of disrupting Sally Boles!), and that, coupled with his poignantly shirtless cover shoot for Interview magazine is enough to have swayed me. I’d like to think my moral judgment is stronger than, say, the seductive powers of shirtless, moody black-and-whites, but I just don’t know. If Twisty the Clown posed shirtless and buried his face in his hands, would I forgive him?
Lastly, because I’ve been propagating so much fear, here’s a nice, harmless display of the cast of Now and Then, then and now. Although aging is, admittedly, scary. Perhaps even more than clowns. Because not all clowns kill you. But all aging eventually does. So I take it back. This is horrific, too.