Age Ain’t Nothin’ But a Number: Links You Need To See


It’s October 22, 2014. We carry the future in our pockets. We have near-instant access to everyone on the planet and every piece of culture ever created. We have donut croissants and the double down. We have an African American (and very cool) president. We have people who become famous by impersonating said African American president. And still, with all of this, there is perhaps more scrutiny than ever on one thing: female appearance. Surprise!

So, it’s nice to see this piece from New York Magazine that highlights former Playboy models and puts their current selves front-and-center. Sure, a lot of makeup and a little Photoshopping was certainly done — this is a mainstream glossy, after all. But the stories, most of which touch on the fact that being a playmate was a thing that gave these women a sense of power, are just as stellar as the drop-dead gorgeous photos themselves.

And that’s great! If more women felt the sense of power that they — and every human, really — should feel, maybe they would be able to react to incredible scrutiny the way that Renee Zellweger has. And, from the angle of “age ain’t nothin’ but a number,” it’s interesting that this piece coincides with this fascinating New York Times story about a study that puts forth the idea that, if we all just think we are younger than we are — like, really, really believe it, like maybe if we were insane people — we might actually start to physically feel that way. But, ah, that’s a real complicated situation, and this isn’t the place for that, right?

No, this is the place for celebrating people who do things like “boob twerk” to Mozart. Maybe she should try boob twerking to Ariel Pink next, but maybe not: it would be a little ironic if that asshole were to gain any sort of publicity from a woman. Even if his new song is good. And it is good, god dammit. There’s nothing worse than awful people who make good art.

But, sometimes good people make OK art. Here’s some music from someone who — as far as we know — is not an asshole. David Rees, the guy who sharpened pencils, wrote a book about it, and then got a TV show, has made some mashups of Taylor Swift and Aphex Twin, aka Aphex Swift. They may not be Girl Talk-level in their execution, but whatever. Novelty has a place in an end-of-day links post, which is itself a novelty. This feature is the Russian doll of the internet.

Speaking of Taylor Swift. There’s a lot to that girl, y’know? More than you would think, or want to think. But there is a lot — enough to have inspired an entire incomplete glossary. (Mere hours after its publication, it’s already out-of-date in that it does not include a reference to Track 3.)

Lastly, enough with basic bitches, basic bitches. All you basic bitches analyzing basic bitches are so basic. So basic that you’re beige bitches. Yeah, that’s right: Beige bitches are the new basic bitches. Spread the word. Or, don’t.