These Are the Halloween Costumes That Make You an Asshole

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Look, there are loads of funny topical ideas out there for Halloween costumes. If you’re after ideas, we humbly suggest that you start here, or just skip the deliberations entirely and go as the Not All Men Kool-Aid guy (which, frankly, I am horrified at myself for omitting from our original roundup). The point is, there are a whole lot of things you can dress up as without being an asshole about it. Sadly, this has never stopped anyone from, y’know, being an asshole — last year it was dickheads dressing as Trayvon Martin and George Zimmerman. This year, it’ll be the taxonomy of assclowns you’ll meet in the following pages. Don’t be these people. Just… don’t.

Sexy Ebola Containment Suit

A disease that has killed 10,000 people in Africa is not funny. If you wear this, you are an asshole!

Ray Rice

Domestic violence is not funny. If you do this, you are an asshole!

That MMA asshole who beat up his girlfriend

What did I just say?

Robin Williams (or anyone else who’s died this year)

Suicide is not funny. Other ways of dying are not especially amusing, either. If you think otherwise, you are an asshole!

The Malaysia Airlines flight that disappeared

Someone is bound to dream up some way of doing this, and y’know what that’ll make them? An asshole!

ISIS, Al-Qaeda, a suicide bomber, etc.

Religious fundamentalism is not funny. Perpetuating negative racial/cultural stereotypes is not funny. Large numbers of people dying is not funny. If you — or the parents who dressed you up — think they are, you are an asshole! (Semi-related: if you have an opinion on Benghazi but can’t point to it on a map, you are also an asshole!)

Anything racist, sexist or otherwise indicative of obnoxious prejudice

If you go dressed in stereotypical Mexican poncho and sombrero, or a Native American headdress, or anything that involves blackface, you are not funny. You are an asshole!

Amanda Bynes

Mental illness is not funny. If you wear this, you’re an asshole!

Gamergate

Harassing women on the Internet is not funny. If you support Gamergate, you are a giant dick (and also an asshole, an anatomical conundrum that we’ll leave you to consider on your own!)

Anything to do with Michael Brown

Police murdering young men for the color of their skin is not funny. If you wear this, you are a racist and probably an even bigger asshole than Bill Maher, which means that you are an asshole of truly cosmic proportions! Like, seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you? Asshole!