But, let’s not argue about the state of New York City, or even the state of the world. (Though you can check out this satellite-photo story over at Slate to see just how drastically, and depressingly, the earth has changed). Rather, let’s argue about whether or not sodomite semen is in our Starbucks coffee. Doesn’t seem like something that would need to be argued (how else do you think those PSLs taste so good, brah?), but the Harlem-based Pastor James David Manning seems to think it’s a point that needs to be addressed and brought to public attention.
The whole thing seems like something that would play as a B-plot in a Hollywood comedy. Maybe it’s not heavy enough, judging by the fact that Dumb and Dumber To is giving Harry a Walter White-esque roommate. I can’t tell if the scene is funny or not, but it’s at least very bizarre — but isn’t that the whole mission statement of Dumb and Dumber? (Isn’t that the whole mission statement of the Internet?) I think the Internet needs to be slapped. Especially the 2.2 million people who still seem to be using dial-up, though they’re probably still trying to load this page.
Looking for a change in career? Maybe as a bodyguard for one of the world’s top fashion designers? Then head on over to The Cut for a primer from Karl Lagerfeld’s sexy, sexy security man, Sebastian Jandeau, for all you need to know about keeping the undead alive. The gist is basically that you can’t ever relax. But, if you’re involved in fashion or security, you’re probably already used to that. Luckily, it’s Friday, which means it’s time for the weekend, otherwise known as the two days a week where you stress out about not being relaxed. And do it fast, because next week half of the country is about to be enveloped by another polar vortex — or, at least, enveloped by the use of the word “polar vortex.”