With our American palate becoming desensitized by all forms of devilishly good and taste-masking hot-sauces, it’s become hard to enjoy simple gastronomic pleasures without excessive amounts of added flavor. Any kind of sauce, really. It’s actually emotionally trying to not put a sauce on something. Therefore, I understand that it might be necessary to also accompany this post with a nice onion fig glaze. And who better to make your onion fig glaze, or at least to to teach you how to make your own onion fig glaze, than singer-turned-chef, Kelis? After all, her milkshake brought quite a few men to an outdoor space some years ago, so I’m hoping her onion fig glaze does something similar now.
Another thing that, like a Kelis song, might bring men to a place is the promise of a trailer for Star Wars: The Force Awakens. The A.V. Club has kindly provided everyone with a list of theaters where it’ll be playing this weekend. Since the movie has pretty much been entirely shrouded in secrecy (with the exception of a cast list, which includes Lupita Nyong’o, Adam Driver, Carrie Fisher, Oscar Isaac, Harrison Ford, Domhnall Gleeson, and Andy Serkis), the trailer will likely provide some satisfying clues no matter how opaque it is.
Another bit of surprising/exciting news comes in the form of a new Decemberists’ video. While “surprising/exciting” and “Decembrists” probably haven’t appeared in the same sentence in years, the video for “Make You Better” really is reason to celebrate. Firstly, there’s the sheer fact that, for once, the band aren’t playing a bounty of boatswains operating boomkins and booby hatches while worrying about their bonnie lass’ botulism, or you know, something like that. And secondly, instead of old time or maritime or old maritime imagery, they’ve here chosen to set their video on a German talk show…hosted by Nick Offerman!
Unfortunately for Beyoncé, her “7/11” video did not feature an appearance by Nick Offerman. But she can and will, nonetheless, eventually be forgiven. I’m ready to forgive her, already, in fact: and while it came out a couple of days ago, if you haven’t already seen the pseudo-impromptu video (or, as The Guardian calls it, the video of “carefully cultivated candor”), here it is.
Lastly, as you finish up that onion glaze, sit down next to all of the boys who were brought to your yard and watch dramatic character actors Kristen Wiig and Bill Hader be inexplicably funny.