Spider Dresses and Empty Puppy Promises: Links You Need to See

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Let’s talk about personal space. Personally, I think anyone wearing this robo-spider dress should just be left alone. For that reason, it’d probably be useful at parties. People could kiss the idea of unwanted suitors goodbye if robo-spider clothing ever became available to the public, because it’s pretty easy to distinguish between a metallic arachnid “come hither” and “back off.”

The real question is if robotic spider dresses will ever make an appearance in Barbie’s wardrobe. Times are obviously changing for Barbie, especially when she’s being given a makeover by photographers. “Barbie Blad” is taking Barbie’s picture-perfect appearance and slapping us in the face with a more realistic sheen that underscores the original’s artifice; Barbie could similarly avoid slapping unwanted Kens in the face if she had a Robo-Spider dress to ward them off. And I can’t be the only person who thinks “Robo-Spider Barbie” will be a hit toy, right? Right?

Barbie isn’t the only American institution that’s being exposed for its artifice. The New Yorker, defender of high culture and purveyor of cartoons that are supposed to be funny but you can’t bring yourself to laugh at, is apparently running an ad promising free puppies to anyone who calls a certain number. It’s a scam, by the way. Even The New Yorker seems loathe to pull the ad though, claiming they’re going to “review it” to see if it’s fraudulent. Which sounds like someone in the office is bitter about not receiving their free puppy, but really, who wouldn’t be?

Neil Blompkamp seems to be bitter as well, posting amazing concept art from his abandoned Alien movie on his Instagram. Why? Why would he do this to the world after the catastrophic, interplanetary meltdown that was Prometheus? Especially with captions like: “Was working on this. Don’t think I am anymore. Love it though.” Was excited about a new Alien film, Neil. Don’t think I am anymore. Love it though.

Let’s end on a not-so-bitter note. A cartoonist has dedicated the New Year to drawing a single panel cartoon from the original Star Wars movie every day this year, and if there’s one thing Star Wars fans aren’t bitter about, it’s the original movie. Thank you, Mr. Folz, for providing us nerds with at least one thing to look forward to in 2015. Unless you miss a day, because then the Internet will resume its daily campaign of terror and derision without interruption. Good luck.