“The Future” Is Mostly Annoying: Links You Need To See


Our new year is officially six days old. This means that at least half of the resolutions to lose weight this year have probably been dead for about three days, and in approximately three months your annoying friend or relative is going to make a biting comment about your unmet goals. But what if you could wear that annoying friend or relative around your waist? This man has developed a belt that can “offer suggestions” about when it’s time to shed a few pounds by tracking your waistline, so now you and your friends and your belt can scold your disappointed reflection in the mirror. Of course, it’s hard to imagine any scenario involving these belts that doesn’t end with them being smashed with a hammer.

So. In 2015 we have belts telling us when to lose weight, and now there’s also a robot that can shoot an excellent game of beer pong. But don’t worry, it’s not like it wins every game—it only makes eight out of ten cups on average. This robot can also complete other simple tasks, perhaps so as to ensure that we don’t assume that an embarrassing pong loss in college and a five year grudge had anything to do with it with its creation.

And if you’re feeling like you’re missing something this new year — like there’s a hole that’s been left inside you — don’t worry: the sun is going through the same thing. Hopefully the holes inside of us are metaphorical and not physical, because there’s a good chance that we humans couldn’t rock a gaping hole in our skin as well as the sun can.

Let’s end on a good note: does your dad have an exceptional fashion sense? Does he know how to pair generic high white socks with short-shorts and make sure the colors clash so violently they almost guarantee some form of retinal damage? Then you should totally submit his picture to Fashion Dads. If your dad is lucky, Old Navy might even start sending him free clothes to promote their brand.