Let’s talk about scandals. Six documentaries have recently been accused of some form of fraudulence. Just like there’s no actual proof that Megalodon exists — because Discovery Channel told us so in an extremely quick and sneaky message before it aired — it’s nearly impossible to determine the veracity of these documentaries. We can only hope that Catfish the show turns out to be fake and MTV isn’t actually filming the equivalent of emotional vampirism.
A lot of people love Nutella, but nobody loves Nutella more than these two French parents who tried to name their baby Nutella. We say “tried” because their local court wouldn’t let them. Buzzfeed explains the court’s outrageous decision to prevent a couple from naming a child of their own flesh and blood after a hazelnut chocolate spread by claiming Nutella “was a name for a food, not a baby.” Despicable.
Let’s talk about mustachegate. Oh, don’t you know what mustachegate is? There are official pictures of Nick Offerman without his mustache. What is he doing? He’s smiling in that Instagram photo, but is he really alright? Was he coerced into shaving? Blackmailed? Converted to a religion where mustaches are banned? Tag your theories on Twitter with #mustachegate so we can find out the truth.
And our final scandal: KFC is making a hot dog. A hot dog that is wrapped in chicken. When will the human race stop playing god? When will accept the limits of humanity and stop trying to push the boundaries? Will we stop madness like this before it destroys us all?