Ah, Amazon. Your one-stop shop for everything soon to be delivered by a drone near you. But did you know that Amazon sells fine art? We’re talking gallery-represented, seriously expensive fine art. And it turns out that the Amazon Fine Art page is like some kind of bizarro world where prints by famous artists such as Andy Warhol and Andres Serrano live alongside unknowns. Like all things Amazon, commenters prowl the listings to do as much damage as they can. Depending on your taste in art, the creators either deserve it or are unfortunate victims. Here are a few of the funny (and just plain weird) things they’ve said.
Jason Mecier Lindsay Lohan, 2013
****I have something similar. Very Nice. By Peter Mckay on November 12, 2014 I have a similar painting of Lohan done with prescription bottles, cigarette packs and used condom wrappers. The only problem I have is it keeps coming off the wall and falling. Doesn’t matter what room it’s in it always seems to be on the ground the next day. I did try hanging it next to my mixed media Amanda Bynes but the next day the entire room was destroyed and both paintings were laying on the floor.
Federico Correa Are They Catholic?, 2014
***GOOD QUESTION By SILHOUETTE on October 10, 2014 But for $15,000, I don’t care.
Dennis Magdich Exploding Nude Orgasm, 1976
***Three Stars By Matthew Reed on November 13, 2014 stay away, when i get the money i will buy this and attach it to my fleshlight
Rose Briccetti Nerd in the Basement, 2007
*”Art”. You keep saying that word. I don’t think it means what you think it means. By Keith Beckman on December 4, 2014 You say it’s “about appropriation”, as if your stealing someone else’s image and making a crappy painting from it has any “aboutness” at all.
Let me steal your car. It’s a performance piece about appropriation and lack of transportation.
Oh, not art?
*****good By Margit J. Hammer on December 29, 2014 that’s actually good in my opinion, still not gonna buy it.
David Middlebrook The Price of Beauty, 2010
*****THE VALUE OF RECYLCLING By SILHOUETTE on September 19, 2014 Thanks! Now I know how to make a quick $21,500. Just sell one of my dirty, old uncleaned combs on Amazon and call it art.
*****Apparently he was bequeathing me a brilliant piece or art when he passed away and I … By Matthew J. Wright on November 13, 2014 Oh, dang, and I just threw away my grandpa’s old comb. Apparently he was bequeathing me a brilliant piece or art when he passed away and I didn’t even realize it. Boy do I feel foolish.
*****The comb is the easy part, but finding the perfect twig to put … By R. Simpson on November 20, 2014 You guys dont’ get it. The comb is the easy part, but finding the perfect twig to put in it is what’s worth 21.5k
Gerrit Greve 04-Enlightened Dining Chair, 2010
*****5 STARS By SILHOUETTE on January 2, 2015 You know how when you pass a car wreck you stop your car and run over to get as close to it as you can get and pick up a souvenir and take loads of pictures so you’ll always remember all the blood and guts? Well, from past experience, I thought going to Amazon Fine Art would be the next best thing, probably even better. But so far, the stuff has been surprisingly good, especially this. Jeff Bezos must have read some of my ealier reviews and changed his ways.
Micha Klein The Arrival of the Rainbow Children, 1999
*****Last Night was Mad Real By CarmenS on September 8, 2013 Can’t remember what happened Saturday night Sunday morning? Well for a mere 8,000 you will forever be reminded of what happened. Complete with graphic depiction of the pills you popped encase you need to be rushed to the ER at some point and can’t verbalized which illegal substance you indulged in to the doctor.
Andy Warhol Mao 99, 1972
*****One Click By D. Olda on August 12, 2013 Seriously thought about purchasing this piece to find out what it felt like to spend more than my more than my home loan with “Amazon one click”. Wife shot me down.
Wissel Ruski Untitled Pink, 2014
****I work at a childrens bookstore.. would you … By Talon Lister on January 20, 2015 I work at a childrens bookstore.. would you be willing to trade for three coloring books.. i really think its worth two but im willing to give you three
Patrick Hennessy Farewell to Ireland by Patrick Hennessy, 1963
*****Before His Time By Over the River on August 7, 2013 Patrick Hennessy was a good artist. Maybe he was a great artist, but Patrick Hennessy, I served with Jack Kennedy. I knew Jack Kennedy. Jack Kennedy was a friend of mine. Patrick Hennessy, you’re no Jack Kennedy.
*****A review of Over The Rivers review By mthsn on August 13, 2013 But, what if Patrick Hennessy ACTUALLY IS President John F. Kennedy? Ever think of that? Huh?
There’s a very good possibility that he may actually be all of the Kennedy’s.
Ever seen Patrik Hennessy and any of the Kennedy boys in the same room? No.
I don’t know what any of them look like and whish I had, at least, a painting to provide some reference. Either way, I do imagine he looks like the Kennedy’s.
Mind: Blown.