Leonard Nimoy’s death prompted an almost universally positive outpouring of remembrances in the media Friday, but the backlash against his Star Trek costar William Shatner sounded a more sour note. This weekend, Shatner came to social media to express his sorrow over the loss of his costar and friend, and lamented his inability to attend Nimoy’s funeral due to a charitable commitment in Florida. For this, he was rewarded with a “Captain Jerk” headline by the tabloids.
Later, Shatner decided to counter this narrative online. He convened fans on Twitter for a session in which he answered questions about Nimoy’s life and friendship, and the results were extremely touching.
Navigating public sentiment about celebrity friendships is tricky. We all have idealized versions of the real bonds between famous colleagues, castmates, and bandmates. Matt and Ben. Tina and Amy. Leonard and Bill. Onto these famous pals we project our ideas about loyalty and cameraderie. This is particularly true with the original Star Trek stars, not just because of their devoted fanbase but because of their characters. Spock and Captain Kirk were a perfect pair, the id and the superego, the hothead and the thinker. Their dynamic was the best thing about the show.
Certainly, knowing the actors stayed friends off the set was intriguing. I imagine fans wanted their friendship in real life to exhibit the kind of unwavering loyalty one can actually only find in a serialized TV show. Yet in real life, which is messier, the act of swooping in at moments of crisis is neither as easy nor as universally welcome as it is on television.
Perhaps Shatner, not young himself, would have felt too disrupted if he had had to change his plans so dramatically. Maybe he didn’t want to intrude on Nimoy’s family or they didn’t want him to come. Maybe there’s a reason he, as he said on Twitter, sent his kids in his stead. We really have no idea, and it’s fruitless to speculate. As the cliché goes, there’s no one-size-fits-all prescription when it comes to grief. People mourn differently, and people relate to each other differently before the end comes. And unless we really we know the circumstances, it’s a good idea to reserve judgment.
I’d add that, because our culture makes processing death so difficult, it can be very hard to understand the fact that some people “aren’t there” in times of crisis. Some people show up with casseroles, some people disappear into themselves, some people make speeches, others are mute. Some folks are good at “showing up” to memorial services, but maybe they were lousy friends in life. Others might be devoted friends for decades but incapable of coming around when death or illness is a part of the equation because it makes them too sad or uncomfortable. Shatner’s reaction appears to be somewhere within a wide spectrum of acceptable responses.
Yet from what we can tell, the chemistry that two Stark Trek actors had onscreen was shared at least to some extent off-screen. They liked each other, they were friends, and they each had to deal with the endless influence that those early roles had on their lives and personas, up until the very end. Shatner’s Twitter tribute to Nimoy got readers feeling misty-eyed, and because of Shatner’s efforts we began to think about Nimoy again. All this does more for Nimoy’s legacy than any of the angry voices complaining about Shatner’s lack of courtesy.