I’m repeating what thousands have already said…the ruling awarding Marvin Gaye’s family 7.4 dollars is awful. No, wait. It’s okay. No…wait. I have no idea, and my attention span is wavering…to food. Besides having these oh-so-viral photos of U.S. States shaped like food to ponder, there’s also another food story that’s been circulating: Vince Gilligan, the creator of Breaking Bad, has had to ask literalist fans who’ve been enacting a famous scene to stop throwing pizzas onto the roof of the Albuquerque home where Walter White “lived” — which is occupied by actual people who, crazily enough, don’t want pizzas on their roof.
In a weird play on the “one hand giveth and the other taketh away” adage, the Ontario government chimed into the movement to end sexual assault once and for all with this innovative PSA but, meanwhile, elsewhere on the internet, women were introduced to a new, ridiculous body standard: “pregnancy abs,” à la those belonging to 30-year-old, Los Angeles-based lingerie model Sarah Stage, who is almost nine months pregnant and fitter than I ever was or will be. What to do? I ask myself.
To be honest, I’m probably just going to finish that bar of chocolate that I started when I began looking at this gallery of futuristic architecture before I got sidetracked by Leonardo DiCaprio’s growing art collection, which includes a trove of dinosaur bones. Dinosaur bones! Leo is really living his dreams. Maybe the key is to dream small, like: “I wish you could play Cards Against Humanity online.” And—poof!—just like that, the internet giveth.