After almost two decades of clothing ads that could have classified as shocking, pornographic and exploitative, American Apparel finally decided to do something about it: replacing objectified models with an adorable sloth (along with, of course, getting rid of CEO Dov Charney)! The sloth is a 23-year old, three-fingered Bradypus named Buttercup, who was orphaned as an infant and then became the face of a wildlife sanctuary in Costa Rica. Questions now arise, like does Buttercup have an H1B or O1 visa? Did they photoshop Buttercup’s face? What’ll come of this campaign should Buttercup fail to fit into one-small-size-fits-all styles?
While Buttercup is still getting used to her new gig, someone should bring her a “Welcome to the neighborhood/USA” apple pie and a brochure of handy information, like this infographic of the trendiest men’s hairstyles right now (raise your hand if you or someone you know has the Top Knot, the Man Bun, or the Pompador), and a warning about not eating this hummus that’s being recalled right now “due to possible contamination with Listeria monocytogenes” (NO! BUTTERCUP NO!), and perhaps a map with directions to a local 7-11 because Saturday is BYO Cup Day across the nation (Slurpees, Buttercup, are glorious).
But Buttercup is not the only non-human to land a new job with great responsibilities. Godzilla just became Tokyo’s official “Tourism Ambassador.” And, yes, there are already comparisons between the great, fictional lizard with the well-defined neck (who has 28 films under his belt) and Taylor Swift (who is NYC’s official “Tourism Ambassador”). I wonder what would happen if Godzilla came back to New York City, but in peace this time, perhaps solely to watch his body heat overpower the new Peggy Ahwesh installation, City Thermogram in Times Square. If Godzilla does come back, we’ll have to get him and Buttercup together to mindlessly scan the net like all best friends do, whereby they’d giggle and squee about, say, these pictures of cats with enough cat hair to make a “whole” new cat.