If you don’t read fashion blogs, allow me to remind you that Coachella started today. Perhaps you are there right now, scrolling through a feed on your phone while you wait for Alt-J to play the one song you know (spoiler: it’ll be last), or comparing Amaro vs. Rise Instagram filters on the first of many #chellaselfies this weekend.
Unfortunately, you’ll have to make it through the festivities sans selfie stick, as Coachella banned them this year. Wow, a music festival that wants to make sure the folks there for the music don’t have obstructed views. In light of Coachella’s lameness, here’s how you might be able to survive the weekend without a selfie stick.
1. Ask one of the street style photographers who inevitably takes your portrait if he wouldn’t mind emailing you one of the good shots, where you can see the whole headdress.
2. Rent a green screen and set it up in your hotel room. Take a bunch of pics in front of it using your selfie stick before you head out to Coachella, then spend the day on the grounds shooting potential backgrounds. Make sure to get a wide variety of locations. Bonus: if your Photoshop game is strong or you have the money to pay a professional photo editor, you could make it look like you took a selfie with Adrien Grenier or the other members of his celeb ‘Chella crew (Turtle better be there).
3. Find the tallest dude in the crowd and make him your Coachella boyfriend. He probably has very long arms/experience as an amateur selfie stick (that’s a thing, right?). (Other perks of a Coachella boyfriend: he may let you use his T-shirt as a bandana if a dust storm breaks out.)
4. Invite along an extra friend from the fringes of your social group and make her the designated photo-taker. It won’t be awkward after like, the fifth photo so long as you shove your iPhone at her with a smile. People search for even the slightest signs of acceptance in moments of embarrassing social rejection.
5. Take turns with your friends climbing the scaffolding on the side of the stage and taking photos of each other from up above. It’ll really accentuate those cheek bones, probably even more than a selfie stick would have. You may have wanted to train for this mission beforehand, so it’s a good thing Coachella lasts three days. A sprained ankle Friday shouldn’t be a deterrent by Sunday!
6. Now I know this is maybe a controversial option, but you could try taking a selfie without the selfie stick. You’ll probably have to take a bunch of shots to get it right, but don’t worry, no one around thinks it’s vain to do so while Angel Olsen sings about soul-shaking bouts of depression.
7. Or you could, you know, eat half a hash cookie and try to find something enjoyable about all this live music. You might have so much fun, you forget to pretend to have fun for all your FOMO’ing friends online.