Urns, Earnings and Christina Ricci’s BQE-Adjacent Apartment: Links You Need to See


Hillary Clinton has her first real competition: Bernie Sanders just announced his candidacy for the Democratic party presidential primaries, and the 73-year-old independent senator said he’s vowed to make fighting income inequality a key tenet of his platform. “What we have seen is that while the average person is working longer hours for lower wages, we have seen a huge increase in income and wealth inequality, which is now reaching obscene levels,” Sanders said. “This is a rigged economy, which works for the rich and the powerful, and is not working for ordinary Americans…You know, this country just does not belong to a handful of billionaires.” Sure, but I wonder how Clinton and Sanders stack against each other in Bing’s #HowOldRobot?

If your #HowOldRobot results are making you depressed and you’re wondering if maybe plastic surgery done abroad might be the way to go, here’s a preview of what to expect—some really, really good looking waiting rooms in South Korean plastic surgery clinics. For those of you who are thinking, “That’s too far, but I have $2 million to throw around and I live in Brooklyn. What can that get me?” Christina Ricci just found out that it can get you this charming abode right next to the Brooklyn Queens Expressway. I feel you, Christina. When I gaze out of my window and across the way into my neighbor’s bathroom, I wish my backyard looked a little more like any of these glorious, unpopulated pictures of the earth.

Things can always be worse, though: At least I’m not falling in love with Michael Douglas’ incarcerated son while also being his lawyer, then smuggling him drugs before ultimately (spoiler alert) getting caught. Then again, things could always be better: we could all be employed by Gravity Payments, where, effective immediately, everyone in the company will make at least $50,000 (or, if they already make more than $50K, they’ll get a $5K-per-year raise). What would I do with my raise? I would pre-invest some of it in one of these creepy urns. Sike! I would go load up on decorative mugs at this new, wildly unnecessary “Express” Starbucks on Wall Street. Double sike! I would save it for a spending spree during Independent Bookstore Day. For real.