If your #HowOldRobot results are making you depressed and you’re wondering if maybe plastic surgery done abroad might be the way to go, here’s a preview of what to expect—some really, really good looking waiting rooms in South Korean plastic surgery clinics. For those of you who are thinking, “That’s too far, but I have $2 million to throw around and I live in Brooklyn. What can that get me?” Christina Ricci just found out that it can get you this charming abode right next to the Brooklyn Queens Expressway. I feel you, Christina. When I gaze out of my window and across the way into my neighbor’s bathroom, I wish my backyard looked a little more like any of these glorious, unpopulated pictures of the earth.
Things can always be worse, though: At least I’m not falling in love with Michael Douglas’ incarcerated son while also being his lawyer, then smuggling him drugs before ultimately (spoiler alert) getting caught. Then again, things could always be better: we could all be employed by Gravity Payments, where, effective immediately, everyone in the company will make at least $50,000 (or, if they already make more than $50K, they’ll get a $5K-per-year raise). What would I do with my raise? I would pre-invest some of it in one of these creepy urns. Sike! I would go load up on decorative mugs at this new, wildly unnecessary “Express” Starbucks on Wall Street. Double sike! I would save it for a spending spree during Independent Bookstore Day. For real.