Life has become a little weird recently, with smartphones and whatnot taking over where smartpeople left off. Cartoonists apparently have been warning us via pen and paper, but we’ve missed the signs because—if it’s not on a screen—we’re just not looking at it. What we are looking for are ways to digitally express our displeasure, like flipping the bird via emoji. Microsoft has read our minds and created just that, in a move that will likely need some explaining around the world before it ultimately becomes a universal standard, much like McDonald’s — which just saw its sixth straight quarter of declining sales in the U.S. (but is doing a bang-up job in Australia!). Apart from expression of distaste via smartphone, we’re also looking for that great combination of human-like customer service — but via an online chat box. And you can’t really top Amazon (even if this chat turns out to be a marketing ploy).
So, where do we stand today? A Bronx man is facing years in prison after shining lasers at airplanes flying near his apartment; The Price Is Rightoffered a treadmill prize to a woman in a wheelchair; and the police in Gloucester, Massachusetts will no longer arrest opioid users who come to them seeking help. Wait, wait. That last one was a good one. Three cheers for humanity! I, for one, am going to go celebrate by taking myself to dinner, and the studies seem to be on my side about that not being at all sad.