The 45 Best ’30 Rock’ Insults


A sincere and heartfelt happy birthday to our hero Tina Fey, who turns 45 years old today, and continues to be basically amazing all the time. So in celebration of this welcome anniversary of her time on earth, we focus our attention on one of her finest accomplishments: the insults of the dearly departed 30 Rock, which still proves a fine source for cuts and burns you can repurpose for everyday use. Here are a few of our favorites.

Kelsey: Hey Liz, how’s the telescope? Liz: I don’t know Kelsey, how’s your mom’s pill addiction? — “Reunion” (Season 3)

Liz: She’s like a human Macarena. Something everyone did at parties in 1996. — “The One with the Cast of ‘Night Court’” (Season 3)

Drew: Liz Lemon! I was just thinking about you the other day. Liz: Really? Drew: Yeah. I saw this gorgeous woman putting glasses on her daughter’s Mrs. Potato Head. — “Emanuelle Goes to Dinosaur Land” (Season 4)

Eliza: Lemon, isn’t there a slanket somewhere you should be filling with your farts? — “The Ones” (Season 3)

Diana (to Liz): I’m glad to see that the endgame of feminism is women dressing like Dennis the Menace at work. — “Kidnapped by Danger” (Season 6)

Cerie: Oh, Liz. Did I see you Saturday at Marquee? Liz: I was there. Yes. Cerie: So what were you doing there? Is it like that time they found my grandpa at the bus station? — “Cougars” (Season 2)

Wesley Snipes: And by the way, your food obsession is not as endearing as you think it is. Liz Lemon: Huh. Wesley Snipes: It’s like being in a Cathy cartoon that just won’t end. — “Don Geiss, America, and Hope” (Season 4)

Jack: Your ignorance was obvious when you waddled up to me with your thin-lipped mouth full of greasy peasant food, and addressed me by my Christian name in front of the gentleman from Fairfield. That’s Fairfield, Connecticut, Lemon–GE headquarters. But how would you know that with your nigh 40 years of public education and daytime television viewing? If you ever pull a Bush league stunt like that again, I’ll have you writing promos for arena football so fast, it’ll make your inexplicably small head spin. — “Jack the Writer” (Season 1)

Jack (to Liz): You are the sexual equivalent of a million Hindenburgs. — “Reaganing” (Season 5)

Jack: Good God, Lemon, your breath! When did you find time to eat a diaper you found on the beach? — “Stone Mountain” (Season 3)

Jack (to Liz): By the way, did the medical supply store where you bought those shoes have any… women’s stuff? — “Mamma Mia” (Season 3)

Jack: Lemon, you look terrible, and I once watched you eat oysters while you had a cold. — “I Heart Connecticut” (Season 5)

Jack (to Liz): Nice dress. Are you going to dinner? Don’t forget your book. — “Señor Macho Solo” (Season 3)

Jack: In Puerto Rico, elderly women are held in very high esteem. You should go there, Lemon. They’d love you. — “Generalissimo” (Season 3)

Jack (to Liz): Good God, I can see every line and pore in your face. It looks like a YMCA climbing wall. — “Live Show” (Season 5)

Jack (to Liz): You do have the wind-battered face of a New England cod fisherman, if that’s what you’re asking. — “Mazel Tov, Dummies!” (Season 7)

Jack (to Liz): You in orange? You’ll look like a Creamsicle with an old tooth stuck in it. — “St. Patrick’s Day” (Season 6)

Liz: I gave him top front. Jack: Top front? Good lord, Lemon, that’s your worst quadrant! — “Cutbacks” (Season 3)

Jack: Buy real estate. That’s the best investment there is. Liz : Real estate? No. That’s something you do when you’re married and you have a family. Jack : Sure. Wait for that. Your first home will be in the floating city of New Chicago. — “Liz the Business Woman” (Season 2)

Liz : Hey, you’re not bumping Dennis for my benefit, are you? Jack : Well, of course I am. I base all my business decisions on your needs. That’s why G.E.’S going to be introducing the pocket deep fryer. Liz : That would sell, by the way. — “Subway Hero” (Season 2)

Jack: Lemon, the grown-up dating world is like your haircut. Sometimes, awkward triangles occur. Liz: I feel like you’ve been saving that one. — “Nancy’s Tour of NBC” (Season 4)

Karolina: Hey Liz, a gym teacher on a sex tour of Indonesia called. He wants his shirt back. Liz: Okay, that’s solid, Kurková. That’s a good burn. — “Leap Day” (Season 6)

Tracy: He said it was a flu shot. But know it’s really a truth serum. Liz: It’s not a truth serum. Tracy: Then why am I telling you you look like Tootsie today? — “Flu Shot” (Season 3)

Colleen (to Liz): You’re going to have to work your backside. Because chest-wise, you have the measurements of an altar boy. — “The Moms” (Season 4)

Toofer: I am about to utter two words a Harvard man never says. Liz: ”I’m cool”? No, I’m sorry. You can’t set me up like that. — “Lee Marvin vs. Derek Jeter” (Season 4)

Toofer: I knew it. “Surculus et Pruna” is the motto of the Twig and Plums. Frank: And your motto is “Above all, be boring.” — “Floyd” (Season 4)

Liz: Listen up, dummies. I’m going to be gone this week doing my talk show. So I need to leave someone responsible in charge. Now it’s not about who I like the most or who’s the funniest. So it’s Toofer. Toofer: Thank you. As Tennyson wrote, “I mete and dole…” Liz: No, nevermind. Lutz, you want it? — “Dealbreakers Talk Show #0001” (Season 4)

Liz (to Frank): Oh you idiot with your stupid face! You look like Gene Simmons had sex with a basset hound! — “Succession” (Season 2)

Jack: I’m Jack Donaghy. New VP of development for NBC/GE/Universal/Kmart. Pete: We own Kmart now? Jack: No. So why are you dressed like we do? — “Pilot” (Season 1)

Liz (to Kenneth): I don’t know how, but you’re gonna get me another sandwich. Or I’m gonna cut your face up so bad you’ll have a chin! (to Tracy, Frank, and Lutz) YOU’LL ALL HAVE CHINS! — “Sandwich Day” (Season 2)

Danny: What? You know, of all the weirdos I’ve met around here, you’re the worst. With your creepy, Don Knotts face, that ridiculous Hitler Youth haircut… Kenneth: Excellent. What about my chin? Danny: What about your chin, Kenneth? I’ve seen bigger chins on a premature baby! — “The Problem Solvers” (Season 4)

Jack (to Colleen): Mother, there are terrorist cells more nurturing than you are. — “Ludachristmas” (Season 2)

Jenna: Wow. How Sex and the City are we right now? l’m Samantha. You’re Charlotte. (to Liz) And you’re the lady at home who watches it. — “Cleveland” (Season 1)

Jenna: Everyone shout out words that describe my beauty. Pete: Fading. Cerie: ’80s. Richard F. Esposito: 1880s. — “Kidney Now!” (Season 3)

Kenneth (to Jenna): You’ve got so many daddy issues, the only thing keeping you from being a stripper is your weird mole. — “The Collection” (Season 2)

Kenneth: I just don’t trust Mr. Hornberger, sir. He has a ridge on the section of the skull associated with deviousness. — “Jackie Jormp-Jomp” (Season 3)

Liz (to Kenneth): You turtle-faced goon. I will cut you open like a tauntaun, you mouth-breathing Appalachian! — “Hiatus” (Season 1)

Liz (to Kenneth): You listen to me, Li’l Abner. Keep your fried baloney hole shut! — “MILF Island” (Season 2)

Liz (to Kenneth): Don’t talk to me like that. You look like a turtle who lost his shell. — “Sun Tea” (Season 4)

Tracy: I need to protect my reputation. You take away my street cred, and I am Wayne Brady. Liz: Wayne Brady has three Emmys. You have a People’s Choice Award that you stole from Wayne Brady. — “Jack Meets Dennis” (Season 1)

Liz: I wrote that, I’m Liz Lemon! “If your man is over 30 and still wears a nametag to work, that’s a Dealbreaker.” But not you, Mike. That’s not you. Mike, leave my cutout alone. Oh, okay. Oh, God. Okay, you know, I’m going to do the same thing to your cutout. Oh, wait, you don’t have one, because you’re nobody! Ow! Blammo, another successful interaction with a man. — “Into the Crevasse” (Season 4)

Liz: What’s the difference between yo’ mama and washing machine? When I drop a load in the washing machine, it doesn’t follow me around for a week. — “Black Tie” (Season 1)

Jenna: Are you all right, Jack? You look like that flashcard they told me means sadness. – “Stride of Pride” (season 7)

Jenna: You look like a condom that’s been dropped on the floor of a barbershop. — “Unwindulax” (Season 7)

Jenna: Goodbye forever, you factory reject dildos. — “Hogcock!” (Season 7)