The moment has arrived. Well, technically it arrived last night. But if you didn’t catch it (because perhaps you were watching Republicans vying for “the love of Hillary Clinton” or watching Jon Stewart make America cry), it’s arriving now. Abbi. Ilana. Jacobson. Glazer. Lip. Sync.I’ll stop writing truncated sentences and cut to the chase:
Abbi begins the Spike show with a pretty chill version of “The Humpty Dance,” and then Ilana delivers an equally measured version of “Hey Ya.” From the first five minutes, the event is almost disappointingly tame, given high expectations for the two comedians. But then. Abbi returns in a sequined gown and lip syncs Dreamgirls’ “And I Am Telling You I’m Not Going” — which is far more exciting than its pronoun-heavy title. In fact, it’s so exciting that you’re likely to, before Ilana even performs her rebuttal, declare Abbi the winner. But then Glazer comes in with a bit of a surprise: namely, bare-torsoed men, while lip syncing the famous song in which such men rain. (Er, “It’s Raining Men.”) Ilana ultimately wooed the judges, but then again, she was accompanied by all that muscle, while Abbi relied solely on the immense power of her lip synced emotions.
In between acts, the two of them bantered with host LL Cool J, and Abbi revealed that she’d chosen her songs very strategically. She said of “The Humpty Dance”:
I know that that song is one of Ms. Glazer’s ‘sexy songs.’ My goal was to psych her out with ‘horny.’
After she’d finished performing “And I Am Telling You I’m Not Going,” LL Cool J asked, “Jennifer Holliday originated it. Jennfier Hudson won an Oscar for it. Why did you connect with it?” Abbi’s response:
Again, it’s one of Ilana’s sex songs, so I was like, ‘I’m gonna bring this even harder, like to another level.’ Because I know that’s like 3rd on the playlist, which in baseball is a good hitter, right?
When the host asked whether Ilana was expecting that of Abbi, she responded, “I did, and that’s why I’ve had to pretend I’m not terrified.”